When I Was At School
by blackwand84
Summary: It's 1977 and Severus Snape is in his sixth year at Hogwarts. A younger girl has been harboring a crush on him for years, and finally gets his attention. Can she help him live with losing Lily's friendship?
1. Chapter 1

Sasha sat by the lake with her book but she wasn't reading. She was watching _him_ again. He was a Slytherin like her, but two years older. He didn't know she watched him because she was sure he didn't know she existed. She had been watching though, for the last four years in fact, since she had started at Hogwarts, two years behind him.

It had started when she noticed him in the common room. He was so _odd_ that he was kind of impossible not to notice. He was always alone, and almost always had his long nose in a book, with that greasy looking long black hair covering his face like a curtain. Nobody else had seemed to notice him at all, which puzzled her.

She had figured out quickly that he was not a popular person, and not just to the other houses but in Slytherin as well. For some reason if anyone paid him much attention at all it was as a target. There were a few Slytherin boys like Avery and Mulciber who would occasionally associate with him, but it was usually when they were going to do something nasty to someone and needed ideas. Sometimes Lucius Malfoy, the Slytherin Head Boy would talk to him as well, but as far as Sasha could tell, that was mostly to ask him for favors and send him on errands.

The worst thing as far as she was concerned, was the apparent grudge held against him by a group of Gryffindor boys from his year. They were constantly harassing and hexing him every chance they got. It seemed their greatest goal in life was the utter and total humiliation of this boy, Severus Snape.

The combination of his intriguing appearance and the sympathy that Sasha couldn't help but feel for this lonely quiet person had developed over the years into a rather spectacular crush. She didn't dare tell anyone, naturally, that she had a made a hobby of watching the school outcast. Only her best friend Adrianne knew her secret, and though she did occasionally tease her for it, she wasn't cruel.

Today, he was sitting in one of his usual spots by a tree, and he appeared to be making notes in his potions book.

_Always alone. Wish I could find a reason to talk to you and then you'd have some company_ she thought sadly. She may be a Slytherin, but she wasn't heartless.

"Snape!" It was Potter and his gang again. Lovely.

Like sharks picking up the scent of blood, a gaggle of students stopped what they were doing to come over and watch.

Before Severus could get to his feet and have his wand ready to defend himself, Potter disarmed him. This was going to get ugly.

Sasha jumped as a hand grabbed her shoulder. It was Adrianne. "Come on, you don't want to see this" she said. "Let's go inside."

"Why does he do that? Why do they do that?" she stammered, the usual rage growing.

The object of her affection was being dangled upside down again.

"They're Gryffindors and he's a Slytherin, plus he's… well he's different. Not everybody finds that as attractive as you do I'm afraid. C'mon, let's go."

Sasha stood up but didn't walk with Adri. "What if they try to take his trousers off again? I can't just walk away and let them keep doing this shite."

"Oh yes, that's right, what every sixteen year old boy wants is to be rescued in front of a quarter of the school by a fourteen year old _girl_ while his nemesis is removing his trousers" Adrianne quipped, rolling her eyes.

Sasha knew she had a point, but when she looked over and saw Potter drop him hard _twice _only to suspend him again with a bleeding and probably broken nose she decided she'd had enough. Too many times had she seen this sort of garbage happen to him over the years, and it just wasn't right.

She drew her wand "Expelliarmus!" Potter's wand flew from his hand, and unfortunately Severus crashed to the ground once again. At least now he had time to snatch his own wand off the ground.

Potter spun towards Sasha, glaring. "Got yourself a filthy Slytherin girlfriend do you Snivellus?" he asked nastily. "Why don't you mind your own business" he spat at her.

A boy in his gang who Sasha knew to be called Lupin grabbed Potter's sleeve and whispered something to him. Another one of their group had retrieved his wand and handed it to him.

"You're lucky I don't hex girls" Potter said, before he turned and stalked off with his chuckling mates.

Severus had his wand raised to throw a curse at his tormentor's back, but apparently thought better of it and started to walk towards the castle instead. He stopped on his way past Sasha and gave her a curious (and frankly irritated) look before he continued on.

Adrianne snickered. "Aw, no thank you?"

He turned and glared at her, then kept walking.

"Oh Adri shut up!" Sasha said, giving her friend a swat. "Let him be. He'll be headed for the hospital wing I imagine. Damn arrogant Gryffindor pigs" she grumbled. "Do you think he hates me for doing that?"

Adrianne laughed. "I don't know. He didn't hex you, that's a start." An evil grin slowly formed on her face. "You know, this could be your chance to finally talk to him. You could go to the hospital wing and check on him… introduce yourself…"

Sasha's eyes got wide. "Are you mad? What shall I say? 'Oh hello I'm the fourth year who just embarrassed you even more in front of a load of people, how're you feeling?' Would that do?"

Adri laughed harder. "Sure! It's better than just slinking back into nonexistence and watching him from afar again. He's only here for one more year then you'll never see him again and after all this time I can't believe you would want to waste what could be your only opportunity to at least talk to him."

She had a point. Sasha hadn't really ever thought about that. Would she really go through her entire school career being totally arse over teacups for him and never even get to speak to him? That just wouldn't do at all. Four years was long enough, and Adri was right, she only had a year and a half left now. That wasn't a very long time for the torrid love affair she'd always imagined.

"You're right" she said. "Let's go."

He was in fact in the hospital wing when they got there. Madam Pomfrey had apparently fixed his nose, and was now running her wand over his left wrist.

"What can I do for you girls?" she asked, not looking up from her task.

Her patient did look however, and leveled another fierce glare in their direction.

Sasha swallowed. "Well, we just wanted…" His look was so full of venom that she felt like melting into the floor. Maybe this was a mistake, but she was in it now, so she decided to follow it through. "We wanted to see if Severus was all right."

Much to her relief, his glare softened and become a look of extreme confusion instead. Confusion was better than hatred. Adrianne elbowed her in the ribs.

Madam Pomfrey stared at them for a few seconds, looking very surprised, then a little smile appeared on her face. "Oh he'll be right as rain in just a moment. Had a broken nose and a sprained wrist, but we're nearly done here."

Severus himself didn't say a word; he just kept staring at Sasha like she'd grown horns or something. She smiled at him, hoping that it might help. It just made him look even more confused.

She looked at Adrianne, wondering if they should just go, but Adri gave her a shove towards the bed he was sitting on and she nearly stumbled into Madam Pomfrey.

Glaring at Adrianne, Sasha sat down on the bed next to him and watched. Madam Pomfrey was still wearing that strange little smile, and Severus was blushing furiously.

Once his wrist was declared healed, and he was given his instructions on keeping it that way, he was told he could go. Madam Pomfrey walked away from them quickly, and Sasha thought she heard her chuckling softly. She put a hand on Adrianne's shoulder and steered her out of the room with her.

"Um… so…." Sasha wasn't sure what the hell she should say, and she wondered why the Matron had taken Adri out with her when she certainly could have used some moral support.

He gave her a wary look, and she sighed.

"Sorry if I was out of line out there" she said quietly. "I know you didn't need any help, I just can't stand that Potter and his lot. I couldn't resist the chance to knock him down a peg." She knew how the pride of boys worked, and she wasn't actually _lying_ to him, just adjusting the truth to make it a little easier for him to swallow.

It seemed to work. He nodded. "It's all right" he said. "I can't blame you for that."

"I'm Sasha Innes" she said, and held out her hand.

He looked at it like it might bite him, but after a few awkward seconds he shook it briefly. "I know" he said. "Fourth year. I'm Severus Snape."

She grinned. "I know. Sixth year."

He smirked.

"I feel we as Slytherins should stick together anyway" she said. "It just makes good sense."

Severus said nothing, and she knew that he probably was thinking that she seemed to be the only Slytherin who had ever cared much for "sticking together" with him. The others didn't seem to pay him much mind unless they needed something.

"Well, I should go and find my friend" she said, though she really didn't want the moment to end, he seemed decidedly un-chatty. "I'll see you around I'm sure." She stood up to go.

"Yes, see you around" he said, much to her surprise, and when she turned to look at him again he actually gave her a little half smile.

Sasha found Adrianne outside, and as soon as they met up Adri had just as much to tell as Sasha did.

"That was hilarious!" she gushed. "You wouldn't believe what Madam Pomfrey told me. She said he's in there all the time with various wounds from those bloody Gryffindors. Besides that though, I found out why she was acting so strange in there. She thought that if you'd come to see him you must fancy him." Adri grinned evilly. "Of course I told her you did in fact fancy the pants right off him and she thought that was fantastic."

"Adri!" Sasha smacked her arm.

"She said that it's a shame to see him so lonely all the time and she hopes you two get together so he'll quit being such a sourpuss. I told her you disarmed Potter and she asked me to thank you from her personally because she can't abide bullies. So, there's that anyway."

Sasha sighed and shook her head. "You're awful."

"Naturally" Adrianne snickered. "Anyway, never mind that, how did it go?"

"Not bad I suppose. He sort of smiled at me a little, and I got to shake his hand. That was nice, finally getting to touch him after four whole years of nothing but torturous watching."

Adri clapped her hands excitedly. "Good for you Sasha! Now we just have to wait till Potter lands him in the hospital wing again and maybe you can get a date."

As it turned out, the next time Sasha met up with Severus it was his turn to rescue her. Apparently a few of the Gryffindor girls had witnessed her disarming James Potter in defense of Severus and they decided it to be a declaration of war.

"Just who do you think you are anyway? Typical slimy Slytherin sticking up for your slimy friend, as if he doesn't deserve what he gets. I suppose you're up to your eyeballs in the dark arts as well are you?" A slightly chubby blonde had her wand up to Sasha's throat in the stairwell on the way to the potions classroom.

Sasha knew if she reached for her own wand she would get herself cursed for sure. She hadn't been expecting the attack, or she would have been better prepared.

"Oh I suppose he deserves to be harassed just because James Potter has a vendetta and everybody knows Potter's omnipotent so his word is gold" she snapped, rolling her eyes.

The blonde looked to her friends, obviously confused. "What's that mean?" she asked furiously. "Don't you dare talk about James like that!"

Sasha heard a low snicker from behind her.

"What's so funny freak?" the girl asked nastily.

Sasha risked a glance and saw it was Severus. He came to her side and had his wand drawn so fast it shocked her, as well as the Gryffindor girls. They found themselves in what Sasha's father would have called a Mexican standoff.

"Lower your wand and I'll lower mine" he hissed. "I don't like hexing girls but I will if I have to."

The blonde glared daggers at him but she lowered her wand. She and her friends scurried up the stairs, obviously afraid now that it wasn't just Sasha by herself.

"Thanks" she said. Feeling bold, she stood on her tiptoes to give him a little smooch on the cheek. He smelled nice, a bit like tea tree oil.

His normally pale face was instantly red, and he looked a bit sick. She hoped she hadn't scared him by being too forward, but she couldn't forget Adri's warning about wasting too much time.

"Y..you're welcome" he stuttered a little, before regaining his composure. "Like you said, as Slytherins we should stick together. I can't believe at their age they don't know what omnipotent means" he sneered. "Even for Gryffindors that's rather pathetic."

She grinned. "Yes it is. Well, I'd better get to potions class before I'm late or Slughorn will have my hide."

He nodded. "Of course." He looked at his feet, then back up to her. "If you should have any more trouble with those girls, or anyone… let me know. I'd like to help."

"Oh I'm not worried about them. They caught me by surprise today but that won't happen again" she said, smiling wickedly. "I'm more worried about potions class honestly; I'm a complete disgrace at potions and with only a few weeks left in the year I'm afraid I don't have much hope of improving."

Severus met her eyes for a moment. She thought she could get lost in those black pools. "I could tutor you if you'd like" he offered quietly. "Potions are my best subject."

_Oh this is too good to be true _she thought, biting her lip to keep from grinning. "That would be great Severus, thank you."

He smirked, but it wasn't unkindly. "Meet me in the common room tonight an hour before dinner. We'll go over what you need to work on" he said.

Sasha reached out and grabbed his hand for a second, giving it a little squeeze. "Thanks! I'll be there" she said, before she took off at a run down the stairs to slip into Slughorn's class before she was late.

Severus was waiting in the common room with his collection of potions books stuffed into his schoolbag when she arrived. She was a little bit late because she had been feeling a bit nauseous from nerves and she needed a pep talk from Adrianne. The thought of being tutored in her worst subject from the boy she had adored for all these years had her completely petrified. Of course it was also an excellent opportunity to get to know him better, and it was an exciting thought… The more she thought about it the sicker she seemed to feel. She couldn't believe she'd plucked up the courage to peck his cheek earlier. The memory made her dizzy.

He looked up to see her come in and she felt her knees going wobbly. "Sorry I'm late" she said, hating how her voice squeaked.

Severus shrugged. "It doesn't matter" he said. "Nobody's ever in here much this time of night, so I thought it would be quiet enough to get something done. I brought some books. What are you working on now?"

She sat down next to him on the black leather sofa. "He's got us on sleeping potions this week. Mine didn't work, as usual."

Sasha noticed the amused little smile that flickered on his lips. "Well we'll see if we can fix that eh? I can show you how to make a draught that could knock out a fully grown mountain troll for a week with one drop."

She laughed. "Fantastic, I'll give some to Slughorn. He can't fail me if he's out cold for the rest of the term."

Her tutor chuckled, and her heart started to beat faster. _I made him laugh _she thought.

"Slughorn's not so bad" he said. "He doesn't hold failure against anyone but he doesn't have time for those who give in to it. If you pay attention to what I show you I can have you in the Slug Club in no time."

By dinnertime she was totally convinced that he was right. He copied down a recipe for her that he promised would get her a more than satisfactory sleeping draught complete with extra side notes that were not included in any of the instruction books. He said they were things he had discovered on his own in his efforts to achieve a more perfect brew, and he told her that she was the only person who knew about any of them other than himself. She was pleased with the idea of finally getting ahead in potions class, but more than that she was completely thrilled that her crush had shared his own secret notes with her.

"Thanks Severus. I'm sure there's more you could be doing with your time than walking a fourth year through her potions."

He shrugged, thinking to himself that he was glad she didn't know that in truth all he would have been doing was re-reading one of his books or re-working hexes alone in his room.

"Well it's time to get up to dinner" she commented. "You should come and sit with Adri and me."

His eyes widened with apparent surprise and she felt silly.

"I know you probably don't want to be seen with a couple of fourth years…"

Severus spoke up quickly "No I don't mind." Inwardly he cursed himself for sounding too eager. "Your friend though, will she?" he asked.

Sasha laughed. "Nope. Adri's got a big mouth at times but she's all right. She's a good one to know. Slytherin as it gets is our Adrianne, which is what I love best about her."

Much to her delight he walked to dinner with her and did in fact sit down next to her at the Slytherin table. Adrianne wasn't there yet, and when she came and plopped down next to Sasha she didn't realize that she very nearly landed in Severus' lap. He slid out of the way just in time.

"So how did it go?" Adri asked eagerly.

Sasha's eyes were as wide as the plates on the table. "Merlin's bloody beard Adri you almost sat on Severus."

Adrianne turned around slowly, and seeing him there, looking at her like she was completely stark raving mad, she burst into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.

His eyes narrowed, and leaning around her, he said to Sasha "I think I might go and sit with Avery, but I'll see you tomorrow night and we'll get started with that sleeping potion."

Sasha shot Adri a furious look and her laughing friend went on emergency damage control. "Oh hey, don't go because I'm a complete idiot. Sorry I almost sat on you I guess I should pay more attention." She hopped up and went to sit on the other side of Sasha. To make room for herself there she shoved her friend closer to Severus.

He still looked irritated (and a little uneasy) but at least he didn't get up. Neither he nor Sasha said hardly two words all through dinner, in spite of Adri continually elbowing her in the ribs to get her to say something.

Afterwards he quietly said goodnight to Sasha and once again cast a suspicious and slightly disgusted look at Adrianne and then he headed off to the Slytherin boys' dormitory.

Finally able to interrogate Sasha as she'd been waiting to Adrianne heaved an impatient sigh. "Well that was a disaster, but how did it go earlier? Did he talk to you at all _then_ at least?"

Sasha glared at her. "Well obviously. How do you think I managed to get him sitting here? It was fine till you scared him off, and then he clammed right up and didn't hardly even eat anything. You're not making this any easier for me you know!"

Adri laughed. "Yeah we can't be putting him off his feed he hasn't got any weight to spare has he? Nearly disappears when he turns sideways as it is. Did you get a kiss?"

Sasha snorted. "Are you serious? I consider it a triumph that I can talk to him now without feeling like I could be sick on his shoes. He's tutoring me in potions, and believe it or not there isn't much call for kissing in that subject unfortunately. I think he's really going to help my grade though, anyway."

"Your grade? Honestly girl you get the boy you've been obsessing over for years _alone_ and you're thinking about your bloody potions grade? You should've been snogging him silly. Honestly I worry about you Sasha. Where's your Slytherin ambition?"

Sasha sighed. As much as she would have _liked_ to have spent that hour snogging the object of her affection she had a feeling that it was going to take a bit more time and effort to get to that point, if she ever did at all.

"Adri I can't exactly just jump on him can I? Besides, compared to what I was doing before, staring at him and wishing for a chance to even say hello, I think I'm doing pretty well now. Believe me I'm not giving up, but even if it never goes any farther than having him teaching me potions it's still better than nothing."


	2. Chapter 2

In his room, lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling Severus was trying to make sense of recent events. He was completely confused. Girls normally didn't pay him any attention, which truthfully was fine by him. If they weren't paying attention they weren't going to laugh at him, and that was a good thing. He had been totally floored when that fourth year girl had stood up to Potter on his behalf.

At first he'd been furious, not wanting her damned pity. Who did she think she was anyway? Did she really think that she was so much more capable against those bloody Gryffindors than he was that he would need her help? If she hadn't been female she would have gotten herself cursed within an inch of her life by Potter and Black for the stunt she pulled and in Severus' mind she would have deserved it. Occasionally they caught him off his guard just as occasionally he caught them off theirs, it certainly didn't mean he needed to be rescued. He had wanted to point out to little Miss Sasha Innes that it was almost always four against one between him and them, and that he still usually managed to hold his own. When they did get one over on him it was almost always by surprise.

Then she had come to the hospital wing with that mouthy friend of hers. At first he had thought it had been to gloat, or demand thanks, or something equally ridiculous, but then she'd said to Madam Pomfrey that they simply wanted to see if he was all right. Honestly, that in itself was still a little bit insulting, but Sasha had seemed genuinely concerned, and other than a few of the teachers, nobody ever really got concerned about his welfare so he had decided to let it slide.

When he'd seen her in the stairwell being ambushed by those Gryffindor witches his first thought was that she would get what she deserved for butting into a feud that was none of her business, but his conscience had got the better of him and he'd stepped in. Besides, he didn't want to be thought of as a coward who didn't look out for someone who'd tried to look out for him, whether he wanted them to or not.

It was then that he had noticed that she really was quite pretty. Very pretty in fact with her dark brown hair and big hazel eyes. She was nearly a foot shorter than he was, and her petite stature gave him a disturbing urge to protect her. He'd also caught a rather intoxicating smell of ripe pears. He thought perhaps it was coming from her hair, but he couldn't seem to get it off of his mind. _Bloody girls and their fancy shampoo..._

Other than Lily he had never really thought of anyone that way. In his heartbreak of losing her friendship he had sworn to himself that he would live out his life completely devoted to her memory and never again allow himself to even look at another girl… but it seemed his accursed teenage hormones weren't going to stand for that. He wasn't sure whether it was a good thing or a bad one.

His guilt at thinking of anyone but Lily was causing some pretty extreme self-loathing, even by his usual standards. Also, he knew that more likely than not whatever it was that was going on between him and that Innes girl would soon end in disaster just like everything else in his life always seemed to. It really seemed quite foolish to open the door for such trouble. Then again… what if it didn't blow up in his face? She had tried to defend him, and suffered backlash for doing so. She had worried about him enough to come to the hospital wing. Then there was that kiss on the cheek she'd given him for defending her against the girls on the stairs. That had shocked him so much he tried not to think about it for fear of going completely mad.

Also, she'd taken him up on his offer to help her with her potions.

She could have been just thinking like a Slytherin and accepted his help because he was the best potions student currently attending Hogwarts and it was bound to be a great boost to her grade to get his assistance… but he wasn't sure that she was aware of all that. Not many people realized how extensive his talents actually were, and he didn't think a fourth year would have figured it out, full of Slytherin cunning or not. Most people just ignored him, and had no idea what he could or couldn't do. The ones who didn't ignore him either attempted to use him or were so blinded by their own egos that they pretended he was inferior to them even though they only ever attacked him if they had him outnumbered by four to one.

Sasha had seemed appreciative of his help, and she hadn't tried to blackmail or manipulate him into helping her like others did when they were looking to use his talents to their own benefits. Then, on top of that she had asked him to sit with her at dinner. That was surprising and totally inexplicable. He would have been rather pleased by the opportunity if he hadn't been worried about what that boorish friend of hers would do. Naturally, as he had feared, she had come along and ruined what could have been a chance to strike up a friendship of his own with Sasha. He was feeling rather bruised by the spoiled opportunity. Though he knew she wasn't like Lily he couldn't help but think that it would be nice to have a real friend again. Someone who he could talk to without having to constantly question their motives.

As for Sasha, she too ended up laying in bed thinking about their interactions and what she was going to do about them. So far it had actually been easier than she had expected. For the most part, as long as she kept Adrianne away from him he didn't seem to mind spending time with her. Since Adri was like a sister to her though, she figured she'd have to find a way to get him past his aversion to her.

"Let me guess what… or should I say who… you are thinking about?" Adrianne teased, watching him Sasha from her own bed across the room.

"Oh shut up Adri" she grumbled. "I'm still annoyed with you for mucking it up earlier. You've got to watch what you say as well, I know what you were running in to ask me earlier and you very nearly asked it all right in front of him!"

Adrianne groaned. "You ought to beg to me to say it in front of him. You only have a few weeks left this year so you need all the push you can get. Maybe if he realized you wanted him so bad…"

"Don't you dare! I couldn't look him in the eyes ever again, and it's hard enough doing that now as it is. I guess… well the way I look at it, this year is the start see? We get to be friends this year, and then next year, when I'm fifteen and he's seventeen, well then maybe it can be more than that. Makes more sense doesn't it? I just have to figure out a way to get him thinking about me this summer."

Adri laughed. "Ah, so you are still a Slytherin after all are you? Good to know, I was really getting concerned. I've got a few ideas about that. He's tutoring you right, well maybe you could slip a pair of your knickers into his pocket or something?"

In spite of herself, Sasha had to laugh too at the ridiculousness of the suggestion. "Oh sure, that's just subtle enough." She shook her head. "No. There's got to be something better than that. I want to get his attention _without_ making him think I'm a nutter or a slut."

"I dunno, maybe if he thought you were a…"

"Adri! No. He's not like that, besides it'd be a lie wouldn't it? No, I can see him wanting to be with a girl who's smart and quiet like him. Somebody who understands him, unlike everybody else. He's one of the best students in the entire school, _the_ best at potions, and he's better at most everything else even than the seventh years, yet he gets no credit for it at all. Everybody pays attention to the Quidditch stars and they either ignore or harass the most talented fascinating wizard…"

"Sasha you're gushing again. It's tedious. I know all about how fab you find him to be, you don't have to go over it all again. I just think maybe you should let _him_ know how fab you think he is." She chewed her lips in thought, and Sasha knew she was scheming something. "Can't be too direct though, you're right. That doesn't turn anybody on does it? No, you've got to be a bit devious about it. Don't worry; we'll come up with something."

Over the last weeks of school Sasha did her best to cement a friendship with Severus. He helped her with potions nearly every night and walked her through improved versions of everything that Slughorn assigned. He was right, by the end of the year she had in fact received a belated invitation to be in Slughorn's little group of favorites, the Slug Club. She did her best to remember everything he taught her, but not so much to impress the teacher as to impress him, her tutor. It seemed to work. She could tell by the little smiles and the proud comments he made upon seeing her success that Severus enjoyed having her as a protégé.

One day, when they were sitting outside under his usual favorite tree, going over Slughorn's comments on her latest potions essay, she called him on it. "You seem happier about my grades than I am" she teased.

He smirked. "Of course. If you were still failing what would that say about me?"

She giggled. "Well, as it turns out you're apparently a very good teacher, if a bit unconventional. You should consider making a career of it. What do you say? Fancy yourself someday being Professor Snape?"

He made a face, and she laughed harder. "Not likely. As the muggles like to say, _Those who cannot do, teach. _Personally I'd rather be doing."

"Doing what pray tell?"

His smile was sly, and it gave her a little thrill. "Something much bigger than myself. One more year here and then I'll be a part of something much more."

She studied his face, intrigued. "Like what?"

Still that sneaky, secretive smile. "Can't tell you. Sorry, it's confidential." He looked her over thoughtfully, as if considering something, then shook his head. "No. Can't tell you."

He had in fact, for a moment, been tempted to tell her. The thought of having her involved in his future plans had been an appealing one. She was clever and ambitious. With his help she might be able to gain the favor of… certain people. When he thought of her being called upon to do the sort of things he knew that those people often required though… that just wasn't an option.

"What will you be up to this summer?" she asked, changing the subject.

He sighed and scowled. "Wishing the days away until I can get back here, just like I always do."

Sasha was puzzled by that. She'd seen enough of how he was usually treated at Hogwarts to know that by rights he should hate the place. "I didn't think you liked it much here?"

He shrugged. "I learn things here. I can be a wizard here."

She wasn't ready to let it go just yet. "What's so bad about your home?"

His look became one of annoyance and she immediately regretted being so pushy. "This is my home, not there. For now at least, until I find a better one. It's horrid _there_ and I see no reason to keep talking about it. Suffice it to say that my situation _will_ be improving; it's just a matter of time."

"Can I write to you over the summer?" she asked.

His dark expression lifted and was replaced by surprise. "Of course, if you want to." Inwardly embarrassed yet again by sounding overly eager he added "I might not be there for the whole summer though. Lucius Malfoy invited me to stay with him for a while. If you send an owl to Severus Snape at Spinner's End I'll get it eventually."

"And you'll answer?" She gave him a playful swat on the leg.

He rewarded her with a little chuckle. "Sure."

Sasha stretched and let herself flop back unto the grass. Her shirt lifted a bit and she noticed Severus' eyes wandering to her bare navel. It took all her self control not to laugh out loud. Instead she stretched a bit more, making the shirt lift even higher. _He might be a different sort of boy _she thought, amused, _but in some ways he's just like the rest. _Feeling naughty, she bent the knee that was farthest from him to make her green skirt rise up a bit too and give him a good view of her legs. To her satisfaction, she caught those black eyes she so adored nearly staring holes into her thighs.

Adrianne sauntered over, just getting out of her divinations class, and noticing how Severus' eyes snapped quickly away from her friend's exposed bits, she grinned evilly. "Whatcher' lookin' at hmmm?" she asked sweetly.

Sasha sat up and yanked her skirt back down. If she could have cast the killing curse with her eyes Adri would've been dead.

Severus was blushing furiously, and was studying Sasha's potions essay as if it held the secret to eternal life. "Certainly not you" he mumbled under his breath.

Sasha snickered; glad he got a little jab in. Knowing that it was kindest to him not to force him to endure Adrianne's teasing, she stood up. As always, she hated to have to walk away. If she could, she'd spend every minute of every day next to him, she knew. On an impulse she brushed her hand over his hair, and was pleased to see it made him blush all over again.

"I'll see you later Sev" she said.

Once they were out of earshot she smacked Adri in the back of the head. "What is it with you? You keep on me to stop wasting time but it never fails just as I've got his attention you turn up and step in it."

Adrianne laughed. "Nah, I helped you there" she said.

Sasha looked at her like she'd lost her mind.

"Really!" Adri insisted. "He was sneaking a very good gander at your assets, nice trick by the way, and then along comes that dreadfully obnoxious friend of yours to call attention to it and thwart him as usual. That boy lives for the fight doesn't he? If something came easy to him he wouldn't trust it. I've been thinking about it, and realized it's better to let him think he has to work for his eventual conquest of your person." She laughed.

Sasha had to admit, she had a point. "Hmm. You're right I suppose. Thanks."


	3. Chapter 3

Sasha spent the summer doing three things. Working hard to improve her potions skills, thinking constantly about Severus, and _writing _to Severus. In spite of what he had said about being gone for part of the summer, he always answered her owls right away. It had gotten up to the point where they were at three to four owls a week in fact. At first his responses had been short and rather impersonal; however, as the summer went on they got longer and longer. He seemed to be finding it much easier to open up to her on parchment than it had been in person at school.

They talked about potions, of course, because even though Sasha only gave a damn about them to impress him, he was rather passionate on the subject. She kept hoping he would get up to being that passionate about her. To her surprise though, the more she learned on the subject from him, the more she came to enjoy it.

He occasionally talked about his parents, which was a new development. He confided in her that his muggle father was a bit of a bastard, and he hated him. His mother was a witch, but had to pretend not to be to avoid the wrath of his father, and they fought constantly. Severus didn't understand why Eileen would let Tobias get away with beating her up when she could have easily hexed him into oblivion a long time ago and been done with it. From what Sasha could gather, he spent all of his time in his room, now that he didn't have Lily Evans to visit anymore. It made her sad for him.

In her own letters she had begun to get a bit more honest as well, closing each one by saying she missed him and couldn't wait till they were back at school. He never said it back to her, but he kept writing, and that was enough to make her happy.

When September finally arrived and she was finally at the train station to head back to Hogwarts, Sasha was nearly shaking with nervousness. Would it be awkward seeing him and actually talking to him again after writing all summer? They certainly knew each other a lot better now after all they'd discussed in their letters. Sasha's owl Onyx was now nearly as much a pet to Severus as he was to her. He proved this on the train platform when he started hooting wildly.

Wondering what had caused her owl to fuss, Sasha looked around, and that's when she saw Severus standing nearby. He spotted her at the same time and casually walked over and stuck his finger between the wires of Onyx's cage.

"Sorry I didn't bring you anything" he told the bird. "But I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Sasha laughed, and he gave her a shy smile.

"He saw you. That's why he started hooting up a storm" she giggled.

"We're good friends" he said, smirking. "Would you perhaps want to…?"

Just then, Adrianne came barreling down the platform and flung herself so hard at Sasha that she knocked her right into Severus. He caught her in his arms to keep her from falling over.

"Hi Adri" Sasha laughed. Silently thanking her friend for gifting her with a chance to be held by her heart's desire.

"Sasha-Sasha! You barely wrote to me at all. Kept that poor owl busy with someone else did you? I feel cheated on."

Sasha grinned, but she noticed Severus was scowling fiercely.

"What were you going to ask me Severus?" she asked him, hoping he wouldn't clam up again now that Adri was here.

He sighed. "Well, I was wondering if you'd want to sit with me on the train, but since your friend is here now I suppose…"

"We would positively _love_ to!" Adrianne spoke up, flashing Sasha her most evil grin yet. "Wouldn't we Sasha?"

Desperately trying not giggle, Sasha nodded. "Yes, that'd be great. Come on."

The ride to Hogwarts was actually much less awkward than it could have been. Adrianne, as she usually did, fell asleep almost as soon as the train started to move. Sasha turned sideways and put her feet up on the seat, leaning back onto Severus' shoulder under the pretense of getting more comfortable. She glanced up to see if he was ok with this, and was absolutely thrilled when he smiled at her.

"Missed you" she whispered.

He responded by carefully putting his arm around her, and feeling bold, she grabbed his hand and held it in her lap.

_Best train ride EVER_! She was so happy she couldn't stop grinning.

Severus could not believe the massive shift in his luck. Never in his life had he expected to be riding the train to Hogwarts with a cute young witch half in his lap. She was snuggled up to his shoulder, and his cheek was pressed against her delicious smelling hair. She was holding his hand, stroking his fingers, and he kept thinking that he had to be dreaming. There was no way that this was actually happening to him.

The only downside was that being this close to her was actually rather torturous, and it took all of his willpower to control his body's reaction. His mind kept wanting to wander away with visions of laying her out on the train seat and having his way with her right there on the Hogwarts Express.

He still, for the life of him, could not figure this girl out. She was a pure-blood, and full of Slytherin pride, but she had no prejudice against Muggle-borns or half bloods like himself. She was extremely impressed by his invented spells and hexes but showed no leaning towards the dark arts. She was decently pretty, but the only boy he had ever seen her pay any attention to at all was him, the school outcast, which made absolutely no sense.

When he'd mentioned her to Lucius over the summer, his older friend had been very pleased for him. Lucius had been out of school for two years already, and was engaged to Narcissa Black. He told Severus that finding a good marriageable pure-blood witch was part of doing ones' duty to wizard-kind. Severus didn't know about that, as he hadn't ever really thought of himself as the marrying sort, unless it was to Lily. He had to admit though; his life had been improving since he'd somehow attracted this girl's attention.

Severus couldn't help but smirk when he thought of what Lily would think if he actually managed to get an actual girlfriend. _Although_… his smile faded the more he thought about it because the hard truth was she likely wouldn't care at all. She hadn't spoken to him even once since the incident in their fifth year. He had tried. Oh, how he had tried, but she would hear none of his apologies. While he still thought of her nearly ever minute of every day, she never even gave him a passing glance. It was as if he'd never been a part of her life at all.

Suddenly feeling depressed, he looked down again at the girl pressed against him. There was a strange combination of guilt and comfort in being near her. The guilt came because she wasn't Lily, but there was comfort because she actually seemed to care about him. Spending the summer shut up alone in his room had been made much more bearable by the frequent letters from Sasha, and honestly he'd even come to enjoy visiting with her little owl. He was glad though that the owl couldn't tell anyone that he'd been having one-sided conversations with it for two months.

"Something wrong?" she asked, startling him out of his inner musings.

"Hmm? Oh. No, just thinking" he mumbled.

She smiled at him again and he was surprised to find himself smiling back. _How does she make me do that?_

Upon their arrival at the school students began filing past them on their way off of the train. Severus could have sworn his heart stopped for a moment when he saw Lily Evans pass by holding the hand of James Potter.

_Why is she holding his hand? _He felt sick. The compartment they were in suddenly seemed to be spinning and it was very hard to breathe.

"Severus?" Sasha's hazel eyes were focused on him in concern. She looked to where he was looking and bit her lip when she saw Lily and James. "Oh…"

Adrianne, who was now awake, gave Sasha a nervous look. They had both been there the day that Severus had called Lily a mudblood. They'd seen it all and they'd heard the gossip about how he had chased her for weeks trying to apologize to no avail.

Sasha had always suspected that he liked the Evans girl as a bit more than just a friend. It was fairly obvious the way he had always followed her around, and then with the reaction he had to the end of their friendship she was fairly positive that he had fancied her. For a while it had made her terribly jealous, but then after she'd got used to the idea it just made her feel even more sad for him. Now that Evans was apparently dating _P_o_tter_ of all people, she knew he had to be feeling pretty awful.

Making a quick decision, Sasha squeezed his hand and said "Ugh! Why would anyone want to be with that arrogant git? Poor girl needs her head checked, certainly."

He looked even more ghostly white than usual but he nodded, seemingly not quite as close to fainting as he'd been a moment before.

Adri smiled at Sasha, which was reassuring. Apparently her friend thought she'd said the right thing. She kept a tight grip on Severus' hand on their way off the train and when they walked by Evans and Potter she slipped an arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. He didn't seem to notice, as he still seemed too shocked to notice anything, but she did see Lily watching them with interest and Potter shaking his head smirking.

"I know it stands to reason for snakes to attract snakes" Potter said loudly "but I'd have thought even a Slytherin girl would have more taste than to want Snivellus getting his grease all over her."

Adrianne's jaw dropped and she looked at Sasha to see what she'd do. Severus didn't even seem to have heard him, as he was still staring ahead into empty space.

"Oh Potter" Sasha retorted "Some girls prefer real talent over false bravado. Maybe someday your own powers will catch up to the magnificence of your ego and you'll know what I'm talking about."

Adri laughed and clapped her hands. "Nice one Sash. Bloody arrogant Gryffindors shouldn't write cheques that their wands can't cash eh?"

Seeing Lily's face go bright red made Sasha smile, even though she did feel a bit sorry for the girl. Reminding herself that it was she who was the cause of Sev's suffering helped squash the rising sympathy, and it was nice to render loud-mouthed Potter speechless for once.

"James leave it out" Lily said quietly. "I think it's nice he has someone. Maybe that's what he needs."

Hearing her speak finally snapped Severus out of his waking coma and he looked over at her in surprise, as did Sasha. Lily didn't meet his eyes but she gave Sasha a nod of acknowledgement.

"Come on Sash, this is too bleeding awkward" Adri mumbled.

"That's an understatement" Sasha said, shaking her head. She gave Severus a light tug and was relieved when he came along willingly.

Later that night in the great hall Severus sat next to her, but he didn't speak, and didn't touch his food. He just stared down at the table with a blank look on his face. Sasha felt like crying. Things had been progressing so well, and now thanks to those damned Gryffindors once again it was all going to hell. She made up her mind that she _would _find a way to help him get over Miss Evans for good and she _would _be the only girl on his mind before he graduated from Hogwarts.


	4. Chapter 4

_This is a really short update, and I apologize! I'll try to get more up tomorrow. I've got some fun plans for this story._

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><p>The next morning Sasha was dismayed to notice that Severus didn't come to the great hall for breakfast. Adrianne didn't even dare comment; she just patted her friend on the back and tried to look sympathetic.<p>

He didn't show up for lunch either, and Sasha didn't see him at all until after her potions class when she literally ran upstairs to get to the Transfiguration classroom in time to meet up with him. She made it, but when she saw him she was so out of breath that she couldn't speak at first. Thankfully he was concerned enough about why she was running to stop and wait for her to regain her composure.

Still panting slightly she finally managed to say "Hi!" Feeling like a fool, she cringed at her lack of originality.

Severus still looked quite depressed, but he smiled at her anyway. "Did you run all the way here to say that?" he asked, amused.

Blushing, she nodded. "Yes, I suppose I did. How are you?"

Suddenly feeling a bit better than he had all day he said "All right now."

Sasha grinned. "Good. I need help with my potions assignment."

He rolled his eyes but kept smiling. "In that case you'd better meet me in the common room before dinner."

Absolutely beside herself with relief, Sasha nodded. "Right. See you then."

On her way to the Slytherin common room that evening with Adrianne Sasha found herself getting nervous.

"He seemed in a bit better mood but I don't know how it'll be now. What if he caught a glimpse of Evans and Potter snogging in a corridor or something? He might pitch himself off of the astronomy tower and never even turn up to meet me at all."

Adri giggled. "That's an awful thought! Probably shouldn't say it out loud in case he does it." Seeing the horrified look on her friend's face she quickly added "But he won't, don't worry. He's got you to make him feel better doesn't he?"

"I don't know how well I'm doing with that. What's so special about Lily Evans anyway? She's not _that_ pretty and it seems to me that she's only nice to the ones it's _easy _to be nice to. Give her someone who really needs a friend and she can't be bothered. Do you remember how he looked that year? How he walked around in a daze? She broke his heart. He just wanted her to forgive him but she wouldn't. Bloody Gryffindors."

They stopped outside the common room. "I feel sick" Sasha whined.

"Oh come on, that's enough of that." Adrianne thought for a moment to find something encouraging to say. "He needs someone doesn't he?"

It was as if a switch had flipped within Sasha's mind. Suddenly her determination had returned. "You're absolutely right Adri. I'll see you at dinner."

He was, of course, already there waiting for her. He looked up from his book when she walked in. "Still can't quite manage to be on time for anything I see" he commented, rolling his eyes.

She snickered. "I like to be consistent."

Losing his grumpy expression, he smirked. "So what does Professor Slughorn have you attempting today?"

Sasha opened her potions book. "Draught of the Living Death" she said.

Severus stared at her skeptically for a few moments.

"What?" she asked.

He quickly snatched up her notebook and flipped through the pages until he found what he was looking for. He tossed the book onto the table. "I gave you my recipe for that last year. You know how to do it."

Sasha opened her mouth to defend herself but had no idea what to say. She sighed. "All right, all right. I didn't need any help. I just wanted to see you."

He looked stunned. His dark eyes studied her face suspiciously. "Why?"

"Didn't you ever make up a reason to be with her?" she asked him, knowing he would understand exactly who she was talking about.

Severus stared at her, the strange girl who somehow always managed to make him feel a little bit better about life when she was near him. The only girl who didn't treat him like he had some sort of horrible contagious disease. The only girl who had ever actually held his hand… other than Lily, of course, but even that had stopped after they'd been old enough to come to Hogwarts. His heart was pounding in his chest and he didn't know what to say to her.

She shrugged. "Well?"

He shook his head. "I… I don't know why you would… nobody else… I'm not… Do you mean that you… do you…You really, actually mean that you…"

Sasha felt sorry for him so she gathered up her courage once again. "Like you? Yes. Of course I do. I've fancied you since I first came to school. I can't believe I'm saying it but I suppose I'd better be honest at this point because there's just this year left isn't there? Adri said I should play hard to get, but that seems a bit stupid after all we wrote about this summer."

"Why do you? Why would you?" he was still not quite able to wrap his head around it.

She laughed, and he was suddenly tempted to bolt from the room. His first thought was that it must be some sort of joke to humiliate him.

"Because you're brilliant" she said, smiling shyly. "You're one of the cleverest and most talented students in the entire school but hardly anybody knows it. You're obviously loyal, given how you don't hold it against Evans that she totally abandoned you…"

"That was my fault, not hers" he spoke up.

Sasha shrugged. "Well, that's a matter of opinion I suppose. I won't argue with you. Either way, I think you're lovely and I hope you don't think I'm mental for saying it like this but I'm glad I told you. You need to hear it."

He frowned, trying to think of a good response. "I don't think you're mental I think you're very kind" he said finally.

"Not particularly" she admitted. "I don't give a happy damn about most people actually. You're special. So now you've got a choice. You can either tell me to piss off and carry on by yourself… or you can kiss me right now."

She thought that he was going to get up and leave. She really did. She certainly didn't expect him to _actually _kiss her. It came as a complete shock when he leaned over and tentatively pressed his lips against hers.

_I've died and this is Heaven_ she thought, inhaling that pleasant tea tree oil smell he had about him and reveling in the feel of his soft lips. When he pulled back to look at her she let out a little whimper. He smiled.

"Now what?" he asked.

Sasha giggled. "I have absolutely no idea" she admitted. "That was nice though, and we should do it often."

Severus snickered. "Fine with me. We should get down to dinner now though. Honestly I skipped two meals today and I feel like I could eat a hippogriff."

She laughed at his joke. "Right. Come on."

Adrianne gave Sasha a questioning look when she saw them sit down together at the Slytherin table. He had his hand on Sasha's back. Sasha grinned at her slyly. and Adrianne's jaw dropped.

"Keep your face like that for too long and it'll stick that way" Severus taunted her snidely.

Sasha spit pumpkin juice on the boy who was sitting across from her and Adri was so shocked that she actually laughed.

"You're all right Snape, you know that?" she commented. "Tough enough to look after our Sash I think."

He smirked, but didn't bother to look at her. "I think she's tough enough to look after herself."


	5. Chapter 5

_As promised, here is today's update! I warn you, by the end of this chapter it gets a bit steamy. It's not much by other people's standards, but for me it's very much on the "rated M" side because I don't go into much detail on such things normally. It was just begging to be done though, so I had to! Hope you like it._

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><p>Over the next few days Sasha and Severus spent nearly every free moment they had together. Unfortunately, because they were both completely unsure of what to do with each other, much of that time was spent in shy silence.<p>

Sitting in Ancient Runes, waiting for class to start, Adrianne was teasing her friend relentlessly. "I can't believe that now you've finally got him you talk to him less than you did before! It's quite pathetic really."

Sasha glared at her and sighed. "Yes, well… that's just temporary I imagine. We've just got to get used to the idea. He did kiss me goodnight last night. That was nice."

Adri bounced a wadded up ball of paper off of Sasha's head. "You didn't tell me that! It explains why you fell into bed with that ridiculous look on your face though. Is he good at it, snogging?"

She could tell by Sasha's goofy grin that the answer was yes. "Sure. I'm not talking about that though, it's none of your business."

Adrianne snorted. "In other words you'll tell me later tonight when there's nobody else around to hear. Any mention of Evans, or do you think he's over it now?"

Sasha bit her lip and her happy look faded. "He hasn't mentioned her, no. I don't think he's over it though. He still looks a bit sad most of the time. Not sure what to do about that."

"I'll tell you what to do… get him someplace romantic and make him forget she exists!"

"Adri! Don't' you think that's taking things a bit fast? Bloody hell. We've got to get used to talking again before we start in with that sort of thing. Honestly, I think we're doing all right, considering. If you think about it, just a few months ago I'd never even spoken to him and now… well, he does spend more time with me than anyone else."

"Yes, but time-wise…"

Sasha shook her head. "No, enough of that. Things are going well and he'll have his apparition license soon. There's no reason why we can't still see each other after he graduates. It's bound to be easier then anyway. At least he won't have to see Evans and Potter every day anymore."

Their professor cleared her throat to get everyone's attention and the girls had to cut their conversation short. Sasha tried to focus on what the professor was saying but her mind kept wandering back to what Adri had suggested. Although she had dismissed the idea, it did have its appeal. The idea of going someplace private and romantic with the boy of her dreams was certainly tempting. They hadn't ever had the chance to have an actual date… and maybe that would help break the ice a bit. At the very least, it was a good opportunity to snog him some more.

After class Sasha grabbed the back of Adri's robes on their way out the room. "I've been thinking about what you said, and I've changed my mind. I'm going to ask him to meet me tonight after curfew. Where do think we should go?"

Adri giggled. "I dunno. Why don't you ask him where he wants to go? Wizards like to feel like they're in charge. My mum says if you let them believe that they are its much easier to keep running things yourself. I guess gran used to tell her that behind every successful wizard is a witch who knows how to keep a secret."

At lunch Sasha flirtatiously slipped her hand under Sev's robes and into his trouser pocket. He gave her a surprised look until he felt that she had something in her hand.

"Just a note" she said quietly. "You can read it later."

As soon as he was away from her he yanked the folded up piece of parchment out of his pocket. His curiosity was eating at him.

_Meet me in the common room at midnight and think of somewhere nice we can go to be alone._

He stared at the paper for a while, his heart pounding. He knew exactly where he wanted to take her.

It seemed to take _years _for the time to arrive. Sasha had been pacing the floor next to her bed ever since she'd come back from dinner. Adrianne finally announced "Well, it's nearly midnight. Are you ready?"

"What happens at midnight?" asked their roommate Clara. "And what's got you so tightly wound Sash? You look like you could fly through the ceiling at any minute."

"Our Sasha has a date" Adri laughed.

"Not with Snape?" Clara asked, looking shocked. "Out of all the boys in our house you pick that one… I think you've gone round the bend."

Sasha glared at her. "Well, I don't recall asking your opinion, so you can keep it to yourself."

"Oh don't be like that. If it's him you want then, well, have at it. He is of age, which is convenient I suppose. Not a lot of girls in our year have got boyfriends who are seventeen. That's something you can be proud of. Where are you going?"

Adri laughed again. "She doesn't know yet. I told her to let him pick."

Clara nodded. "That's smart. It lets them think they're in charge."

"Yeah that's what I said…"

Sasha flopped down on her bed in frustration. "Oh would you two come off it already? I'm standing here so nervous I could sick up my supper and you're talking about clever ways to manipulate men! I really like him you know. Adri you know this. It was one thing when I was just watching him and daydreaming…"

At this Clara gave Adrianne a shocked look. She had never realized.

"But after the summer I've really got to know him. He's even better than I thought before. He's _so_ clever and I could really see myself having a future with somebody like him. This is _important_ and I can't stop thinking that I'm going to muck it up somehow."

"Or Evans is going to turn up and muck it up for you" Adri mumbled. "Look, you're going to be late if you don't go now. There's no sense worrying anymore because it will either work out or it won't, and nobody can accuse you of not trying. Come here and let us have a look at you."

Sasha stood in front of her friends and spun in a circle.

Clara nodded approvingly but suggested "Not bad. Undo a couple more buttons on your blouse though. Did you pick out some fancy knickers? I mean you never know…"

Adrianne burst out laughing and Sasha did too, in spite of the fact that she was blushing.

"Of course I did" she giggled, which made her friends laugh harder. "No reason though…"

When she entered the common room it was dark except for the little bit of moonlight that shone down through the lake to give the windows their eerie glow. Sasha was shocked. For once she was the one on time and he was late. After a few minutes of waiting in silence she started to worry that he wasn't going to show up.

What Sasha didn't know was that Severus had in fact shown up, and he was presently watching her from across the room under a disillusionment charm. Like her, his stomach was churning with nervousness and he was desperately trying to work up the courage to let her know he was there.

She nearly screamed when she felt an arm slip around her waist from behind.

"Hush, it's just me!" he hissed. "If we get caught out of bed we won't be going anywhere."

She sighed, relieved, and turned around to face him. "When did you come in?"

He shrugged. "Never mind that. Are you ready to go?"

Smiling shyly she nodded. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise. Come on."

Sasha followed him up the stairs out of the dungeons. They quietly made their way out of the castle over by the greenhouses.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked again.

He smirked and tugged her hand. "You'll see."

When they reached the edge of the forest Sasha stopped walking. Severus turned to give her a questioning look.

"What is it?" he asked, amused.

"We're going in there? Are you mad? We can't go in there. There's all sorts of awful things in there."

His laugh was devious, and, she thought to herself, very sexy. "Don't you trust me?"

_Oh dear _she thought, staring at him longingly. _On second thought it seems I would follow you anywhere…_

"Sure I do" she said quietly.

He stepped closer to her and leaned down so that their faces were inches apart. "Good. I'll protect you, don't worry." Feeling emboldened by the breathless look on her face he brushed his lips lightly against hers before turning back towards the forest. He held his hand out to her and she took it.

As it turned out they really didn't go very far in. Severus was confident in his abilities but not stupid. It was one thing not to care about danger when he was exploring by himself, but another story entirely when he had someone else along to keep safe. He led her to a small clearing that was covered completely in soft dark green moss. There were a few flowers, and it was actually quite pretty.

"Well?" he asked. "Is this all right?"

She looked around and grinned. "Yes, it's brilliant. When did you find this place?"

He shrugged. "A few years ago. I always tried to talk Lily into coming out to see it but she wouldn't…" he stopped, realizing that he probably shouldn't have said that.

Sasha knew he'd seen her cringe when he mentioned Evans and she could tell he felt sorry.

"Well, her loss" she mumbled wrapping her arms around him. "Thanks for bringing me here."

Relieved that she hadn't stormed off, he set his hands on her hips and leaned down to kiss her. He still couldn't quite get used to the fact that there was a girl, a _pretty _girl no less, who actually allowed him to kiss her. She even seemed to enjoy it because she always kissed back. She smelled good and she was so _warm_. Suddenly he felt his trousers getting a bit snugger in the front and figured he'd better take a break before he embarrassed himself. He broke the kiss and smirked at the dazed look on her face. Her cheeks were flushed and he thought she'd never looked so nice before.

Once she'd recovered enough to have a coherent thought, Sasha lowered herself to the ground and laid back in the soft moss. "You can see the stars through the trees" she commented. "It's pretty."

Taking her cue, he laid down next to her. "Never noticed that before" he said.

They lay there in silence for a few minutes. Sasha couldn't stop thinking about kissing him and how it made her feel. She desperately wanted to reach over and touch him but she just didn't have the nerve.

_All right Sash… He brought you out here and he kissed you, and now he's lying right next to you. If you really want him you'd better pluck up and go for it because this is the best chance you've had yet and you never know if you'll get another on like this…_

Steeling herself for potential humiliation, Sasha turned to him and started to stroke the back of his hand with her fingers. He smiled, so she moved her hand to his chest. He closed his eyes.

_You'd better not be picturing Evans…_she thought to herself. "Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Just that this is really nice. I'm not used to things like this."

She grinned. "Neither am I, but I could definitely _get_ used to it."

He chuckled. "Me too."

Sasha reached under his sweater and tugged his white dress shirt out of the waistband of his trousers so she could slide her hand against the skin of his belly. He was _so _thin! Even more so than she had realized before.

He drew in a ragged breath and let out a little whimper when she touched him.

Sasha was smiling so hard she thought her face might crack. This was fabulous. "Does that feel good?" she asked.

Smirking, he nodded.

Sasha ran her fingernails over his stomach and up and down his sides. His breathing grew harsher by the minute and she could see the effect she was having by looking at the fly of his khakis. Feeling brave, she climbed on top of him so she could kiss his lips.

Severus' mind was swimming. He felt like a living, breathing, completely incoherent ball of lust. It took every ounce of his willpower not to grab her tear her clothes off, but he thought that would be terribly ungentlemanly. When she slipped her tongue between his lips he moaned and his hands flew to her backside. He slid them down her bare thighs and then back up under her skirt.

_Lace knickers? If this keeps up maybe I'll get into them… _He was a bit ashamed of having such a thought about a girl who was two years his junior, but he couldn't help it.

As they kissed and touched each other his mind drifted farther and farther out of usefulness. He wasn't sure exactly when she had unzipped his trousers and put her hand down them but he did remember the moment that she'd wrapped her hand around him and started to stroke. It felt like fireworks were exploding all over his body.

Feeling like he should be returning the favor, Severus slipped his hand into her lacey knickers and did what Lucius's dirty books had described. It wasn't long before they were both panting and shaking with pleasure.

Afterwards Severus put her panties back in place and with no small amount of embarrassment re-fastened his trousers. Sasha was laying in the moss with her eyes shut, sprawled out as if she were unconscious.

"Are you all right?" he whispered.

She grinned and nodded. "Bloody brilliant" she announced.


	6. Chapter 6

_Here's a short update until I get back later to work on more! _

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><p>When Sasha came back into the Slytherin girls' dorm Adri and Clara were still waiting up.<p>

"So, how did it go?" Adri asked, excited.

Sasha had a silly smile on her face and as soon as she set eyes on her friends her face turned red. For some reason she couldn't seem to remember how to talk. The walk back out of the forest with Severus had been taken in silence. He'd held her hand, and she noticed him watching her out of the corner of his eye, but neither of them had the courage to speak. A shy kiss goodnight was how they had parted.

Clara snickered. "Judging from the look on her face she's been up to something."

Adrianne's jaw dropped. "Sasha Innes you tell me what happened right now! I can't stand the suspense."

Sasha let out a nervous little giggle and fell face first onto her bed.

"Merlin's pants, you've shagged him, haven't you?"

Clara howled with laughter at Adri's accusation. Sasha rolled over slowly, still grinning and blushing.

"No I did not" she insisted. "Well… not really."

Adrianne squealed and fell over, miming a faint.

"Not really?" Clara repeated. "You generally either shag someone or you don't. I don't see how there can be an in between."

Sasha felt her face get even hotter, which she hadn't thought possible. "Well, there is a bit of an in between, it turns out. I'm not telling you about it either, but, no, I did not shag him." She waited a moment before adding "Yet."

The other girls dissolved into a fit of giggles and Sasha buried her face in her pillow.

"Come on" Adri gasped. "You can't leave us hanging with that! We must know. It just isn't fair!"

Sasha looked up again and glared at her. "Oh come off it! You went all the way with that Ravenclaw neighbor of yours over the summer so I think you know more on the subject than I do anyway. Why must you hound me for information?"

"Well I didn't come back from the experience looking as happy as you do, for starters" Adri grumbled. "It wasn't exactly all I'd hoped it would be. No bells ringing and roses blooming, that's for sure. Come on, what happened?"

Sasha sighed. "He took me to the forest and at first I was a bit scared but… well he's quite clever isn't he? He told me he'd protect me and I believed him. I felt safe." The goofy grin re-plastered itself on her face.

Clara snorted. "Oh snap out of it and start spilling!"

"We went to a little clearing that had a lot of moss and some flowers. It was nice. We looked at the stars through the trees. Then… well, what happened then is none of your business and I'm not budging so don't bother."

Both girls groaned in frustration.

"It was… well it was fantastic, anyway. I've never felt like that before in my entire bloody life. I've always sort of loved him, you know that Adri. Now though… well now I feel like my heart could just burst with it. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at another boy again."

Adrianne shook her head, smiling. "You haven't looked at another boy in five years anyway, so what's the difference?"

Sasha smirked. "There's a huge difference because I'm talking about the rest of my life now, and that beats five years."

Clara clucked disapprovingly. "I heard he was a half-blood. I tell you, if my dad ever thought for a moment I might try to bring one of those home he'd have my head on the bloody wall. It's one thing to have a little fling with the school outcast… which frankly, I still don't understand… but talking about spending forever with him? I think you've really lost it. He'll be gone next year anyway. Aren't your parents scouting out any suitable pure-blood wizards for you? Take this as practice if you must, but don't be a fool!"

Adrianne and Sasha both rolled their eyes. They were used to hearing this sort of talk amongst the other members of their house.

"My parents, unlike some, are not concerned with that sort of thing" Sasha explained, for what seemed like the millionth time. "My dad couldn't care less, as he's busy with his own life, and my mum… well, my mum was a Hufflepuff. We aren't terribly concerned with what sort of blood anyone's got as long as it is still flowing."

Adri nodded. "My mum's obsessed with it but I don't give a damn. In fact, if I ever decided to get married at all, it'll probably be to some muggle-born wizard just so I can kill the old bat of a heart attack. If I knew where to find a decent one I might even marry a muggle and _really _get her." Her green eyes glinted wickedly. "Dad… well, dad's just mostly listens to mum. As far as I'm concerned they can both get stuffed. I don't care what they think. Let them kick me out! Do me a favor…"

Sasha got up to change into her nightgown. "Precisely. You can come and stay with me anyway."

Clara sighed and shook her head. "Well, better you lot than me" she mumbled. "I'll stick to my own kind thanks. More power to you if you want to be branded a blood traitor, but I personally would rather die a spinster."

"And what would be so bad about that either?" Adri asked, giving Sasha a little smile, which was of course, immediately returned.

Severus stared up at the ceiling from his bed, thinking about her, as he found himself doing so often lately. It used to be always Lily, and ways to win her back, but now… well, now it was a fifty-fifty split between sadly agonizing over Lily's relationship with Potter and daydreaming about Sasha Innes.

Their trip to the forest earlier had been… well it had been positively amazing. If it weren't for a bit of dirt he'd found smudged on the back of his shirt he wouldn't believe it had actually happened. He couldn't get the sounds she had made out of his head, and to think… she had made them because of what _he_ had been doing to her! She'd clung to him and begged him to keep doing it all the while doing what she had been doing to him in return. Now _that_ had been… Severus had to bite his lip to keep from groaning out loud just thinking about it.

_I don't have luck like that_ he thought. _That sort of thing happens to other wizards, not to me_. _What is it with her that makes her like me so much_? _Is she crazy_?

Suddenly he had a thought of Lily doing something like that with Potter and he had to close his eyes and concentrate hard to keep from throwing up. _No, no, no, please no_!

Although, what right did he have to be upset about the thought when he had just got through doing that with another girl himself? Lily didn't belong to him and she never would. He knew that. So? Why should it bother him anymore? It shouldn't, he knew. He just couldn't help it.

He also knew that he had absolutely no reason to feel so guilty for what he had done with Sasha. Lily wouldn't give a damn if she knew. She might even find it amusing. Still, he hated himself for it as if he had been unfaithful to her. To a witch who wouldn't even _look _at him anymore, let alone talk to him.

If he were honest with himself, the thought of even himself doing things like that with Lily made him a bit sick. He'd never really thought of her quite that way. She was… well, she was too angelic and pure to be doing things like that. Right?

_It's official; I'm a complete nutter_ he thought. _I may as well just accept the fact that I'm totally off my rocker and stop trying to deny it. Anyone would have to be mental to think like I do._

"Hey Snape?" came a voice from the next bed over. It was Avery.

"Hmm?" he answered, annoyed by the interruption of his thoughts.

"Where were you earlier?"

_Damn. _"What do you mean?"

"Don't give me that, you snuck out. I saw you leave. What were you up to?"

Severus considered his options quickly. He knew he wouldn't have much time to come up with an answer. Luckily he was good at thinking fast.

"I wanted some fresh air" he lied, knowing that it wouldn't be believed.

"Ha! I'll just bet you did. Was it that Innes girl? She's cute, and I've seen her hanging all over you."

Severus smirked in the darkness. "It may have been" he said smugly. "Perhaps."

Avery laughed evilly. "Nice. Well, if you think you _might_ be meeting up with her again, _perhaps_ you could put in a word for me? I'd like to get to know her friend a bit better. The black haired tall one?"

"Adrianne?" Severus snickered. He couldn't picture Sasha's boisterous friend wanting anything to do with Avery, no matter what sort of _word_ anyone put in for him.

"Yeah, her. What do think my chances are of getting some _fresh air_ with that one?"

Not wanting to find himself on Avery's bad side Severus answered carefully. "I'll see what I can do. She's a bit of a snob though. We'll see."

"Excellent."

Obviously it was a blatant lie. Severus had absolutely no intention of ever suggesting any such thing. He and Adrianne weren't exactly friends, but he knew she meant a lot to Sasha, and honestly… well, she wasn't really as bad as he'd originally thought. She was certainly far too good for Avery, who was a bit of a thug. There wasn't a _snobbish_ bone in Adri's body, he knew, but if Avery thought there was then maybe he'd give up. Severus made a mental note to warn Sasha of his intentions toward her friend tomorrow. Avery wasn't the sort of fellow a girl wanted to find herself alone with unprepared, he knew. He didn't like to be told no.


	7. Chapter 7

Over the next few weeks Sasha and Severus snuck out together nearly every night. It had become a bit of an addiction for both of them. They almost always went back to their favorite spot in the forest, but once in a while they would go down by the lake to have a change of scenery… not that they were paying much attention to their surroundings.

Their midnight outings were used mostly to worship each other, and experiment with new ways to reach absolute physical bliss. Severus found himself so looking forward to each nocturnal rendezvous that his focus on his studies was suffering. His grades had slipped for the first time since the incident with Lily in his fifth year. Truthfully, if he had to trade grades for the loving attention of Sasha Innes then he was more than willing to make the sacrifice.

On one of the rare evenings that they decided not to risk meeting for a venture outside he had taken the opportunity to sneak into the restricted section of the library. Unable to find what he had been looking for, he'd had to resort to the book store in Hogsmeade instead, and trying to sneak his purchase back to the castle without Sasha seeing it had not been easy. Thankfully, he'd found it well worth the trouble.

The book gave detailed (and even illustrated, in many cases) instructions on the _art_ of sexual pleasure for wizards and witches and he found it to be most informative. In fact, he was looking forward to having the chance to try out as much of its content with Sasha as possible over the remainder of the school year.

They had not, as of yet, actually consummated their relationship. As a matter of fact, the subject had not even been discussed. It was as if mentioning it was completely taboo, even though they occasionally talked about all the other interesting things they were getting up to in the moonlight.

One night, lying naked beside the Black Lake, with Sasha's head on his chest, Severus commented. "It's getting a bit colder now. We'll have to find somewhere indoors to go soon, if we're going to keep this up."

Sasha giggled. "Oh we _are_ going to keep this up. We'll have to find a place."

Feeling a bit smug, he said "It'll have to be somewhere we can make soundproof. You have a tendency to get a bit loud."

"Yes, well, that's your fault isn't it? Tonight, for example. Merciless!"

He grinned. "I can't help it that you're so _very_ tasty."

Sasha felt her face get hot and she knew she was blushing. "Merlin's beard, Sev! You've got a filthy mind, you know that?"

His laugh was devilish. "Yes, but you love it. Besides, if you're honest, you don't seem to much mind the taste of me either."

She hid her face in his chest and giggled again. "No, I don't, but I don't go talking about it do I?"

"I don't believe that for a moment. I'm sure as soon as you get back to your room you tell Adrianne every detail" he teased.

"I do no such thing!" Sasha slapped his thigh, embarrassed. "Not that she doesn't try, mind you. She and Clara both. They're relentless."

Severus smiled. "Avery asks me too. I answer him with riddles. It makes him furious. Quite a bit of fun, actually."

"Sure, until he starts to work them out!"

"Have you actually tried to have a conversation with Avery? I wouldn't worry about it. There's more chance of Filch being made Minister of Magic than there is of Avery figuring out anything I've said to him." Laughing, he added "Probably a better chance of Filch's _cat_ being made Minister of Magic."

"Ah, you laugh now, but I heard she's an _enchanted _cat who has human-like intelligence and will live to be at least thirty-five.

He snorted. "Thirty-five? That's a rather precise estimate for hearsay."

Sasha snickered. "Well, it's what I heard!"

Severus tilted his head to kiss her hair. "You're a very silly girl" he teased.

"Yes, but I'm _your_ silly girl, aren't I?"

He smiled at that. It was a very pleasing thought. "Are you?" he asked, sounding a bit shy.

She nodded. "Absolutely."

"That's nice" he said, still smiling. He had smiled more this school term than he had before over the course of his whole life.

"Oh is that all it is? Nice? Don't go overwhelming me with your tremendous show of emotion Severus; I won't know what to do with myself!"

Severus rolled his eyes. Girls and all their _emotions_! He had learned very early in life that revealing too much of one's feelings was asking for disaster.

"Just because I don't gush on about everything that goes through my head doesn't mean that I don't… appreciate… you know what I mean. I don't have to say it."

"Of course you don't _have_ to, if you like not letting me know how you feel" she mumbled, starting to get a bit annoyed. "You haven't even actually ever referred to me as your girlfriend."

"Are you?" he asked her, somewhat surprised. "Honestly I hadn't actually thought about that."

Glaring, Sasha sat up and reached for her clothes.

"Oh come on, don't be like that!" he said, suddenly realizing that he had crossed the line from teasing into rudeness. "I didn't mean for it to sound bad. I just meant that I hadn't wanted to assume anything about us. I know we're… together, I suppose, in that sort of way. I just hadn't dared try to label it as such. Too much worry of tempting fate I suppose. I don't generally have a lot of luck. Not the good sort, anyway, and I don't like to count on pleasant things lasting very long."

Sasha was in the middle of buttoning up her shirt and she looked at him thoughtfully. "But you do _want_ me to be your girlfriend, don't you?"

He nodded emphatically. "Of course I do. Now lay back down. I don't want to leave a moment before we have to."

She did as he asked, smiling contentedly. "Well, we do have to soon. I have a transfiguration quiz tomorrow and I have to get at least _some_ sleep tonight or I'll never pass."

"Do I have to start tutoring you in that subject as well?"

She smiled at the offer, but shook her head. "No. We manage to find far better things to do with our time than that. I just need to get a bit more sleep. Of course, that hasn't worked out so far because we also find better things to do with our time than sleeping, don't we?"

"We do" he agreed. "Much better."

Adrianne was, as usual, waiting up for Sasha when she got back to their room, in spite of the fact that it was nearly four in the morning. Clara, to Sasha's relief, had long ago succumbed to sleep.

"What are you doing up?" she asked her friend. "You're going to be a wreck for that test tomorrow."

"That's a funny thing coming from the girl who stays out till all hours with her lover!" Adri taunted.

Sasha laughed. "Lover? I like that. It's not technically true though. Well, I don't think so anyway. Don't you have to be actually having it off to be considered lovers?"

"From what I've pieced together you are in fact having it off. There are more ways than one to do that aren't there? You're lovers. It's quite scandalous."

"Ah, well. I suppose it doesn't matter what it's called, does it? Either way, scandalous or not, I am happy. Deliriously so, in fact. If I weren't sure I would flunk right out of Hogwarts I think I would stop sleeping altogether so I could spend even _more_ time with him." Sasha smiled dreamily, remembering some of the night's highlights.

Adri shook her head, not for the first time feeling a bit envious. She herself hadn't had any romance since the summer. "With the way you go on he must be very good at what he does."

Sasha nodded. "He is. He got a book a while back. He doesn't know I know about it. I don't have the heart to break it to him. Besides, it's been a great asset, that book of his."

"Oh leave it to Snape to get a book on _that_!" Adrianne snickered. "Always so studious, is your lover. Glad to know it's paid off." She made a mischievous face. "So when do you intend to take things to the next level?"

Sasha rolled her eyes. "That is absolutely none of your business!"

"You don't know do you? Haven't talked about it?"

"No" Sasha admitted, blushing. "Was it that obvious?" she giggled. "I suppose we will when the time seems right."

Adri had been wondering about some things, but hadn't wanted to ask about them lately and spoil Sasha's good mood. Now though, she couldn't contain her curiosity any longer.

"He hasn't been pining after Evans anymore has he? You haven't said anything, and he doesn't look all depressed these days, so I assume you're in the clear?"

Sasha shrugged. "He hasn't said anything, and you're right, he doesn't really seem to be depressed does he? I did catch him looking at her the other day when she kissed Potter after the Quidditch match. He looked a bit hateful, but he always looks at Potter like that, so it might have been nothing. I can't say."

"Well, it seems to be going all right. Just don't let your guard down. You never know with boys, what they're thinking." Adri bit her lip, debating on whether or not she should bring up what had been on her mind for the last few days. "Sash?"

"Hmm?" Sasha mumbled, smiling up at the ceiling.

"People do say things, you know. Mostly about his friends, but… I mean, I know in our house it's sort of common, but… we've never mucked about with… People say that he's going to be a… one of _His_…"

"Adrianne what in the hell are you on about?"

Adri sighed. "Well, you must know as well as I do that _all_ of the boys he hangs around are planning on becoming death eaters. You do know that, right?"

Sasha felt her face get hot and her eyes narrowed in the darkness. "So? What's your point?"

"Nothing, really. I just… Well, we mind our own business, I know, but we do _try_ not to get mixed up with those types. We've always been against it. I guess I just wondered if you were still planning on being against it, or if things will be different. You know, if he does become one of them."

"Who says he is?" she snapped. "I've had absolutely no indication from him that he has any such intention and I think it's quite rude to assume something like that Adrianne. Severus is clever and ambitious but he's not a murderer and you know it. I'm offended that you'd even ask me such a thing!"

Adrianne knew she'd struck a nerve, and she felt sorry, but at the same time she knew that it had needed mentioning. "I'm sorry Sasha. You didn't answer my question though. What if he was one? What would you do?"

There was a long silence. Sasha had always quietly opposed Slytherin house's association with _You-Know-Who._ Quietly because doing so _loudly_ did not bode well for one's long-term survival, she knew. The stories she had heard about what went on among that particular group of wizards were enough to give a person nightmares, and she did not share their ideals. In her opinion, someone had better do something about _Him_ and his death eaters, and all they were getting up to, before things got much worse. Her grandmother kept telling her that she thought Albus Dumbledore should have ended the trouble long ago, just like he'd done with Grindelwald.

Sasha had a sneaking suspicion that if Professor Dumbledore thought he could have ended it, he would have by now. What did that mean for everyone's future? Who else stood a chance, if Dumbledore did not? It was a frightening prospect.

"Severus is a half-blood Adri. I told you that."

"That doesn't necessarily matter Sasha. Answer the question. What will _you _do if he…"

"I don't know!" she shouted, making Clara jerk in her sleep. "Is that what you want me to say? I don't know what I'd do. I love him, don't I? What do you when someone you love _so much_ does something that scares the hell out of you? I don't know."

The truth was, she had heard the rumors. Adri was right. All of Sev's friends had death eater parents, and _all_ of them were well on their way to taking the dark mark themselves. Sasha had been lying when she said that Severus had never given her a reason to believe he would join them. He had given her plenty of clues insinuating that he had _great plans_ for after his graduation, and she was not stupid. She'd simply been so happy with him that she had been ignoring the obvious.

"Why do you have to bring it up?" she asked, her voice cracking. Tears began to fill her eyes as thoughts of her sweetheart in a mask filled her head. "Why can't you just be happy for me?"

Adrianne slid out of her bed and went to sit on Sasha's. "I'm sorry Sash. I really didn't mean to upset you. I'm just nervous for you, that's all."

"Well, don't worry about it. I'll deal with it when… _if_ I ever have to, all right?"

"Ok Sash. Ok."


	8. Chapter 8

_I know it's been ages since I added to this one, but I knew where I wanted it to go and couldn't quite work out how to get there. Finally, I got it sorted out in my head one evening in the shower. Funny how that can work out, isn't it? _

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><p>It was a Hogsmeade weekend, but instead of being out with her friends, Sasha was stuck in the hospital wing. One of her classmates had made a mistake in Potions class, and Sasha had been unfortunate enough to bear the brunt of the splatter. Both Madam Pomfrey and Professor Slughorn assured her that the huge hideous open sores would be gone by Monday, at the latest, but in the meantime, she would need to stay here where she could be properly tended. Honestly, she wouldn't have left even if she'd been allowed to. She needed the regular doses of pain potion far too much to argue against her confinement.<p>

Adrianne came to visit her before setting off for Hogsmeade, and promised to bring her back some chocolates from Honeydukes. Just before Adri left, Severus arrived with a bunch of flowers that Sasha knew had come from the forest. He could have gotten in trouble for having them, but Madam Pomfrey had simply given Sasha a knowing little smile and looked the other way.

"Ah, your Romeo comes bearing gifts" Adri teased.

"Don't say that. Things didn't go too well for Romeo, or Juliet, if you recall" Sasha whispered.

Adrianne smirked at Severus. "Well, I'm off. Try not to have too much fun while I'm gone, will you?"

"Oh I'll do my best. Behave yourself!" Sasha said, wincing when she foolishly lifted a hand to wave.

"You need to keep still" Severus scolded her. "You'll make the sores worse."

As happy as she was to see him, it was terribly embarrassing for him to be seeing _her_ at the moment, oozing and blotchy as she was. She blushed.

"Yes, sometimes I forget" she sighed.

"From what I've heard Morgan Thompson is a menace anywhere near a cauldron" he grumbled. Suddenly though a sly smile appeared on his face. "Although, something tells me he'll be a bit more careful in the future."

Sasha knew what that look meant. "What did you do to him?" she asked, not quite sure whether to be proud or disgusted.

Severus shrugged, trying to look innocent and failing. "What makes you think I did anything?"

She didn't want to smile, but she couldn't help it. "I know you, that's what."

"Don't worry about it. I just want you to worry about getting better. My nights are going to be a lot less pleasant while you're stuck in here, and I want you back as soon as possible."

_I love him so much _she thought. _I love him so much I could simply die of it_.

"I'll do my best" she said. "They told me that I should be back to normal by Monday, anyway. I hope so. I feel like my skin's on fire."

Severus pulled a small metal container out of his robe pocket. "Try this" he said, handing it to her. "It's likely much better than anything they've got in here."

"What is it?" she asked.

"Just a salve I came up with. It'll help to ease the pain, and make the sores go away a bit faster. It works. I tested it."

"Who did you test it on?"

He looked a bit uncomfortable, but answered her anyway. "Me."

Sasha gave him a worried look. "How?"

He shrugged again. "I wasn't going to give it to you unless I could be sure of what it would do. I stuck my arm in a candle flame, and this healed the worst of the burn." Seeing her horrified look, he blushed. "It's not a big deal. I'm fine."

"Severus you shouldn't hurt yourself to test out healing concoctions!"

"Settle down. It was just a little burn. I didn't set myself ablaze, for Merlin's sake. You're far too emotional sometimes." He smirked at her, doing his best to hide the fact that her scolding made him feel like an idiot.

Sasha sighed. "Well, thank you, anyway. I know what you're capable of, and I'm sure it'll be a big help. You really should become a healer when you graduate. You're very good at it."

"I have loftier ambitions than that, although I thank you for the compliment" he said, feeling a bit better. "Anyway, how should we amuse ourselves this afternoon?"

She stared at him. "What are talking about? Aren't you going into Hogsmeade with the others?"

He shook his head slowly. "No. I've seen it, and not much changes. I'd rather be here. What do you want to do?"

Gazing at him with adoring eyes, she whispered "There's plenty I'd like to do, but Madam Pomfrey's lurking about, and these nasty blotches would take all the fun out of it I'm afraid."

He grinned.

"Would you read to me?" she asked him.

He raised his eyebrow, and she giggled. She loved it when he did that.

"All I have with me is my NEWT potions book."

It was her turn to shrug, even though it hurt to do it. "I don't care. It's fine."

Several hours later, Madam Pomfrey finally told Severus that he had to leave so that the patient could get some rest, and Sasha was again on her own. As much as she hated to see him go, she was grateful to have the time to lay there in silence and think. He had given up a day out in town to come and be with her, cooped up in the hospital wing. He had actually burned himself in order to test out a healing salve he made to soothe her wounds. He'd brought her beautiful flowers that could have earned him several detentions for having been out in the forest. How did he manage to keep getting more and more amazingly wonderful?

Suddenly her lovesick musings were interrupted by a bit of a ruckus from the doorway. When Sasha saw who was causing it her eyes widened in shock. James Potter and his friends, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew were escorting a crying young witch into the room. It was Adrianne, and her face was bleeding.

"Adri!" Sasha called, horrified.

Madam Pomfrey descended on the group immediately, and Potter began quietly explaining to her what had happened because Adrianne was too upset to do so herself. Sasha couldn't hear what was being said, and she was tempted to jump out of bed to go and get some answers, sores or not.

Apparently Remus Lupin had noticed her concern, because he left his friends to come over to her bedside.

"She's all right now" he said gently. "She'll be ok."

"What happened?" Sasha asked, forgetting the fact that this was a Gryffindor, and one of her and Sev's sworn enemies.

Lupin looked nervous. "She was attacked on the way back from Hogsmeade."

"Attacked? By what?"

"You mean by _who_" corrected Sirius Black, who had come over to join Lupin. "He stunned her and was trying to pull her off the path when we came along. James took care of him."

Sasha's mouth hung open in her horror. "Who did that? Who would do that?"

"Avery" spat Sirius, the disgust evident on his face. "Filthy Slytherin git."

"He's up with the Headmaster right now" Remus said quickly, obviously trying to make up for his friend's roughness. "I imagine he'll be expelled."

"Only if James can talk that ridiculous girl into telling the truth" Sirius growled. "As of a few minutes ago, she was saying she didn't want to."

"What?" Sasha shook her head. "Why in the world not?"

Remus sighed. "She's afraid" he explained. "She thinks that his family will retaliate if he's sent away from school."

"Death eater scum…" Sirius mumbled.

Sasha groaned. It made sense. She knew that Adrianne was probably right. There were some wizarding families that it could be very dangerous to anger, and getting that particular boy kicked out of Hogwarts would certainly put her into a risky situation. Potentially a fatal one.

"Well, if he isn't expelled Severus will make him wish he'd never been born" she said, mostly to herself, but still loud enough for the Gryffindor boys to hear.

Sirius let out a derisive snort. "I wouldn't bet on that, if I were you."

Remus grabbed his friend's sleeve and gave it a little tug. When Black looked at him he shook his head, warning him to tread carefully.

Suddenly remembering past grudges, Sasha glared. "You don't know as much as you think you do" she said. "Severus Snape is not a wizard who'd stand by and let his friends be hurt without justice."

Black and Lupin exchanged another glance. "Well" Sirius said, more gently this time, "I suppose we'll see, won't we?"

Adrianne didn't come over to speak with Sasha. Madam Pomfrey tended the cut on her face, and then led her out of the room. Potter and Pettigrew walked over to where their friends were talking.

"Well?" asked Sirius. "Is she going to tell them?"

Potter shook his head. "I told Madam Pomfrey what happened, but she denied it. She said she tripped on a rock and hit her face, and that Avery was trying to help her up. She said that we had the wrong idea. I suppose we should at least be glad that she didn't try to blame it all on us."

Sasha felt sick, and suddenly her sores, which she had forgotten in her worry for Adri, burned more than ever. "Adri wouldn't ever do that" she said to him, looking him right in the eyes. "You helped her. She wouldn't do that."

Potter shrugged, and with a gesture to his gang, turned to leave. Black and Pettigrew followed immediately, but Lupin turned back to Sasha.

"Can't you talk to her?" he asked. "Persuade her to tell the Headmaster the truth?"

Sasha shook her head. "I don't think so. She's right. Starting a war with… those people… is a death sentence. Thank you for your help. I'll remember what you did, and I know that Adri will too. It's just… it's better if you all just let it go. Something will be done. Severus will think of something, I'm sure of it."

She could tell by the look on his face that he thought she was wrong, but there was something else there in his eyes as well. Pity?

"I hope you're right" he said, before turning to follow his friends.

Adrianne didn't come to visit Sasha on Sunday. It made her anxious, but she resigned herself to waiting to get her best friend's side of the story. This incident had to have shaken her up quite a bit, and Sasha thought she'd probably open up once she was ready.

When Severus came in before dinner she immediately brought up what had happened.

"Severus, Avery attacked…"

His hand shot out so fast to cover her mouth that she let out a little yelp of surprise. "Hush" he said. "I know what happened, and I don't want you to talk about it. Everything's fine. Let it go."

Sasha stared at him in amazement. When he removed his hand she said "What?"

He sighed, and sat down on the bed next to her. "She tripped on a rock. That's what she said. Let it go."

"Severus! You know very well that…" she saw him stiffen, and stopped talking. She didn't think she could take it if he moved to silence her again. After a few seconds of awkwardness, she finally whispered "I can't believe that you're on his side."

He gave her an irritated look. "Don't be ridiculous." He was whispering too. "I don't approve, obviously. It's disgusting, and I am sorry for your friend, but I think you should respect her decision. You can't be so ignorant as to think she could have him expelled and get away with it."

"Get away with it? It's him who is getting away with something, not Adri, and he shouldn't be. I thought for sure you'd be able to come up with something we could do…"

"Me?" he asked. "What could I possibly do, other than ruin my chances at greatness, and likely get myself killed in the process? Is that what you want? I thought you cared for me more than that. Your friend has saved herself with her silence and there is nothing more for you to worry about."

"They were right" she said, feeling tears gather in her eyes. "They told me you wouldn't do anything, and I didn't believe them, but they were right."

Severus' eyes narrowed. "Who? Who were you talking to?"

"Black said it, and the others were thinking it, I could tell. They saved her, and put themselves at risk, only to be made to look like fools when she said they'd made a mistake. I said you'd do something, but they knew better. I've been so stupid."

The way his eyes bored into hers she felt like he could see right into her brain. He was fully glaring at her now, and she actually felt a little stab of fear. Fear of the one she loved. It made her shudder.

He stood up and stalked from the room without giving her even a backwards glance.

That night Sasha cried herself to sleep.

Monday morning she was released from the hospital wing at last, and she made her way to her first class still feeling hopelessly depressed. When she caught up to Adrianne in the hall she slipped her hand into her friend's without a word. Adri turned to look at her, and there was an unspoken understanding between them. They didn't need to talk about it, and it was better if they didn't.

That day when she passed Remus Lupin in the corridor she said "Thanks again. Tell your friends please, for us. You were right." The sympathetic look on his face told her that he knew what she was talking about.

Wednesday evening in the great hall Sasha was surprised when a piece of parchment folded into a small bird fluttered over and landed in the middle of her uneaten dinner. Adrianne looked over at it, and then at Sasha. She was silently asking a question. When Sasha picked up the bird her friend turned away from her and started talking to Clara. Sasha knew she had failed the test, and her chest tightened with guilt.

The note was, of course, from Severus.

_Sasha, I'm sorry. Meet me in the common room at our usual time. We have to talk about this._

She looked down the table to see him watching her, and she nodded.

"Innes?" said a voice from behind her. She turned around and looked up to see James Potter. Adrianne went rigid as a board and stared down at her food to avoid looking at him.

"Potter" Sasha said coolly.

"Can I talk to you a moment at my table?"

Confused but intrigued, she nodded and followed him over to where the Gryffindors sat. Black, much to her surprise, scooted over so she could sit down. Evans was with them, of course, and Sasha suddenly regretted accepting the invitation.

Potter studied her face for a long moment before he spoke. "I uh… well, I just wanted to tell you… We understand. We know you don't like how things turned out any more than we do, and we know that you expected a different reaction from…" he looked at Lily and his girlfriend gave a slight nod. "From certain members of your house. I know in the past there's been some trouble between us, and we just wanted you to know that there won't be any more. Truce?"

Sasha wasn't sure what she should say. She looked at Lupin and he smiled. _He's nice, that one_ she thought. _I never thought I'd be having this sort of talk with this lot, but here I am_.

Finally, she nodded. "Truce. Thank you."

When she stood to go back to her own table, she nearly died on the spot when Lily Evans stood up and grabbed her hand. "I know you wanted to believe better of him. I did too, but… people have to make their own choices, and he's made the wrong ones. We can't help him, either of us. Protect yourself."

_Oh this is so horrible_! Not knowing how to respond, Sasha simply nodded and fled the scene. Adrianne was no longer there when she got back, and when she made her way up the Slytherin girls' dormitory, Adri was in bed with the lights out. Sasha knew that she wasn't sleeping, but she didn't dare say anything.

Sitting in the dark in the Slytherin common room, waiting for Severus, Sasha couldn't get the odd meeting with the Gryffindors out of her head. It had been so completely unexpected that it felt like some sort of odd dream. _Nightmare_, she thought.

"How much did he offer you?" said a voice, cold as steel, from the doorway, as Severus stepped through.

"What?"

"Potter" he said. "How much did he offer to pay you for humiliating me?"

Sasha shook her head. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

"I felt like such a bastard for upsetting you the other day. All I could think about was making it right somehow. I would have risked my _life_ to make it up to you. I was going to go after Avery to prove to you that I was sorry. Then I saw you over at the Gryffindor table. Talking to _them_."

"Severus, they just wanted to talk about what happened to Adrianne. That's all. I don't know why you would think…"

"Your roommate told me everything" he cut in, a cold rage seething in his voice, although he kept it quiet and calm. "Clara Fielding approached me in the corridor after dinner. She told me how Potter had hired you to… to get close to me so you could give them information. She said that when things got… intimate… with us Potter set up a plan for you to lead me on a while until the perfect time came for you to… to tell everyone how pathetic I was." His voice cracked, and Sasha felt her heart crack right along with it.

"Severus that's a lie! I never! I would never!"

"Did you tell them about my note? That I wanted to apologize? Did they laugh? Did Lily… did she know what you were up to?" He was shaking.

"No! None of this is true! Clara's lying! It has to be Avery. He must have somehow convinced her to say these things to you. I swear to you that I would never hurt you, Severus I love you!"

She did love him. She loved him still, even after he had let her down with the mess Avery had caused. She loved him, and couldn't stop. He said he had intended to risk himself after all in order to make amends with her, and now, because of a cruel lie, he was looking at her with hatred in his eyes.

"It's ok that you didn't stand up to Avery" she said, desperately. "I don't care. I wouldn't want you to risk yourself, honestly, and I didn't think about it properly before because I was so upset for Adrianne. I would die if anything happened to you and those people are dangerous…"

He laughed. "Yes. _We_ are dangerous" he snarled. "You'd do well to remember that the next time you find yourself tempted to start scheming with our enemies."

It hurt her to hear him refer to himself as one of _them_, even though deep down she'd known for quite some time he was planning to join them. She'd known long before she had been able to admit it to herself.

"Severus don't make me your enemy. I'm telling you the truth. I would never want to hurt you. I would die before I would hurt you. I love you. I love you so much it feels like I could explode sometimes, and I don't want to lose you. Please believe me!"

In truth, he wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe everything she said. He wanted to let his heart finally open up enough so that maybe, just maybe, in time he could come to love her too. He wanted to love her like he loved Lily. He wanted to love her _more_ than he loved Lily so that he could forget all of the pain and the torment and finally be _happy_. He wanted it more than anything.

Unfortunately, he couldn't. He couldn't take the risk. She had betrayed him, he was sure of it, and if he gave her the chance she would ruin him.

Taking a deep breath, and constructing a wall of hatred and iron will around his emotions, he said "Stay away from me. I want nothing further to do with you, and if you don't keep out of my way I _will_ make you regret it. I will have no mercy for you… or your friends."

As she watched Severus exit through the door he had so recently entered Sasha began to sob. She sank to her knees and let her face hit the cold dungeon floor. She believed what he told her. There would be no repairing what had been destroyed. He was lost to her now forever, and she knew that her heart would never be completely whole again.


	9. Chapter 9

The remainder of the year was agonizing for Sasha. She confronted Clara about her betrayal, and found out that Avery had given her a choice. She could either do as he asked, telling Severus the story he gave her, and in return be under his protection, or she could refuse, and suffer "severe consequences."

"I didn't want to do it" Clara insisted, unwilling to meet Sasha's eyes. "I had to though, didn't I? Besides, it's only Snape. I _told_ you that it was no good, you seeing him. He's leaving at the end of the year anyway. You'll find someone else. It's really not a big deal."

Sasha had been so filled with rage she hadn't been able to see clearly. Her hand had actually gone to her wand without her even thinking of it. Every instinct she had was screaming for vengeance, and if Adrianne hadn't grabbed her arm, she would've done something terrible.

The touch of her best friend's hand snapped her out of her blind furor, and she sank to her knees, wracked with uncontrollable sobs. Her grief was immense. She hadn't known she could hurt so much without physical injury.

Adrianne glared at Clara. "Not a big deal? That's shite and you know it. You did what you had to do, but don't try and pretend it was nothing. For fuck's sake Clara, her heart's broken. How about a little sensitivity, at least?"

Sasha didn't blame Clara. Not really. She didn't blame her any more than she could blame Adri for not telling the truth about her attack. Getting on the wrong side of the death eaters was dangerous business, and they were living in uncertain times. The ones to blame were the death eaters themselves, and their evil master. Sasha hated herself for not speaking up sooner against Severus' involvement with them. It hurt her heart to think of him doing the sorts of things they did, and she was convinced that if she hadn't been too timid to confront him sooner, and too afraid to tell him how she really felt about him, maybe she could have made a difference. Maybe he would have seen that he was making a mistake.

Severus stayed true to his word, and he didn't speak to Sasha again. He graduated from Hogwarts, along with the rest of his class, and went off, no doubt, to officially join up with his twisted dark brethren and their murderous leader. She tried to send him an owl, a week into the summer. Once again she tried to explain to him that she had never betrayed him. She never received a response.

She did however manage to stay in touch with a few of his classmates. When Adrianne swallowed poison to avoid being forced into an arranged pure-blood marriage, Lily Evans and Remus Lupin both sent cards of condolence to Sasha. Lily even offered to accompany her to the funeral, but Sasha declined, not wanting Lily's blood-status to put her at risk at an event that would be full of pure-bloods and likely some death eaters as well.

Sasha had thought that losing Severus was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. As it turned out, losing her best friend was much worse. She hated Adri's family for driving her to suicide. She hated all of the purist fools who would rather see their children dead than married to someone of the wrong lineage. She hated herself for not being able to help the girl who had been like a sister to her to escape before she took the worst way out. Life would never quite be the same now, and she knew it.

During the painful, sorrow-filled time after Adri's death Sasha was very thankful for the support that her former Gryffindor enemies offered her. It turned out that in spite of some despicable acts in the past, for the most part their hearts actually were in the right place. She still felt a bit guilty, associating with the people who had spent their school careers tormenting the love of her life. She supposed that was only natural. As long as she reminded herself that he had left her, and now thought no better of her than he did the rest of them, it was something she could live with. The fact that he had actually believed she would do the things she'd been accused of was proof that he had never really known her at all, and he was a member now of the most evil group of wizards that their world had possibly ever seen. Whether it hurt or not, he was no longer a part of her life, by his own choice, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Spending time with Lily Evans brought many mixed emotions. This was the girl she had envied and despised. This was the one person who Sasha was absolutely _sure_ could have saved Severus if she'd been willing. This was the girl who had possessed the one thing that Sasha wanted most… Severus' love. She had possessed it completely, and she didn't even want it to begin with. In spite of this, the young witch was hard not to like. She was sweet, bright, and funny. She was bold and determined, and she wasn't intimidated by anyone. This was the sort of girl who would not be afraid to stand up to the death eaters.

James Potter had mellowed with age, and had taken an example from his girlfriend, so that he had become one of the kindest wizards that Sasha knew. He wasn't nearly as full of himself as he had been at school, and he refrained from making anti-Slytherin comments when Sasha was around. He was also decent enough to avoid ever mentioning anything to do with Severus in her presence as well. For that, Sasha was grateful.

Remus Lupin was a good friend, always seeming to understand just what a person needed from him at any given time. Sasha had never known when they attended school together that he was a werewolf, although when she'd finally been let in on the secret, she had to admit it explained a lot. He was, at this point in her life, the only one she would occasionally speak about Severus to. He told her the story of how once, Sirius had foolishly baited Severus into trying to enter the Shrieking Shack while he was inside, transformed into a werewolf. James, upon realizing what was happening, saved Severus' life.

"He never told me that" she said quietly.

Remus patted her back. "Well, he was, as I understand it, rather traumatized. He'd never want to admit that, I'm sure. When I think of what could have happened…" He shuddered. "I couldn't have forgiven myself."

"You wouldn't have known what you were doing."

He smiled sadly. "No, but that wouldn't change the fact that it happened."

Sirius Black could be so much fun at times that it was possible to ignore his more irritating qualities. Sasha confronted him about his stunt involving Snape and Lupin, and he had at least had the decency to seem ashamed of himself.

"I didn't really think that whole thing through very well" he said, avoiding her gaze. "I certainly didn't intend to…"

"To kill someone?"

He nodded. "I just wanted to scare him. That was all. It didn't occur to me until it was too late that if he did make it in there, he likely wouldn't make it back out. Thankfully, James stepped in." He smirked. "It sure did piss old Snivy right off, being rescued by his worst enemy. That in itself almost makes it worth it."

Sasha glared at him, and he sighed.

"Listen, I am sorry. I wouldn't do such a thing now, obviously. Even if he is a filthy death eater scum."

The only one of the "gang" that Sasha could never really feel any kinship with was Pettigrew. He made her uncomfortable; with his constant kissing up to James and the way he always seemed so nervous. It made her feel like he was hiding something, and she didn't like to be alone with him. Sasha was of the opinion that being a coward did not necessarily mean that someone was not a threat.

Not feeling like she could bear a return to Hogwarts after all that had transpired, Sasha convinced her parents to let her transfer to Beauxbatons in France to complete her final two years at school. The thought of facing Hogwarts without Adrianne, seeing all of the familiar places and reliving all of the memories, made her sick to her stomach. On top of that, it would be her first year at school without Severus. Even though she hadn't gotten to know him personally until her fourth year, he had been a huge part of her life at school ever since she'd first started there. Hogwarts without him, and without her best friend, sounded like utter hell. At least at Beauxbatons she could start over.

She kept in touch with Lily and Remus via owl, and by the time she was ready to graduate, she had qualified to join the French Auror training program. Her life was moving in a good direction, she knew, but the escalating conflict in her home country that she heard of from her friends weighed heavily on her mind. They were now all members of a secret group formed by Professor Dumbledore to fight against Voldemort and his evil followers. Sasha was sorely tempted to give up her training in France and return to Britain to join them. She had in fact decided to do just that when a nightmare changed her mind. She dreamed that she was dueling with a masked death eater, and after she'd killed him it was revealed to have been Severus all along. Sasha knew then that she would stay in France, and keep herself out of the conflict in her homeland.

When James and Lily married, Sasha did come home briefly to attend the ceremony. A few too many drinks at the reception had led to the beginning of a short but fiery fling with none other than Sirius Black. It hadn't been a romance as much as a collision of wills, but they managed, at least, to part again as friends when it was time for her to once more leave the country.

When the Potters celebrated the birth of their first child, a boy they called Harry, Sasha returned to Britain again to meet the baby. He was a handsome child, the spitting image of his father, but with Lily's eyes. Holding him in her arms, Sasha smirked, thinking to herself not for the first time how unexpected it was for her to be here with these people when there had been a time that she'd despised them with every ounce of her being.

Before she left again for France, she took advantage of a moment alone with Lily to ask a question that had been recently nagging at her mind. Part of her dreaded the answer.

"I hate to ask you this, but have you heard anything of him?" She didn't need to clarify to whom she was referring. Lily understood.

"I saw him once, in Diagon Alley, but we didn't speak. He's one of _them_, as you know. According to Order intelligence, he's a minor lackey, trying to claw his way up the ranks, as they all do." Lily shook her head, looking sad and frustrated. "It's a shame. A waste of his talent."

Sasha nodded, feeling her throat close up and her eyes begin to swim with unshed tears.

"You loved him, didn't you?" Lily asked gently.

Sasha smirked. _I still do _she thought to herself. She couldn't say that though, not to Lily. Not to anyone. "I did." She sighed. "Didn't do me much good though. I wasn't you."

Lily actually looked surprised. "Oh certainly not! I was nice to him. He didn't make friends easily. That's all. He was happy with you, I could tell. Well, as happy as I ever saw him, anyway."

Shaking her head in a mixture of shock and bitter amusement, Sasha stared her friend in the eyes. "You really didn't know? He was completely in love with you. When you… stopped talking… it tore him apart. When he saw that you were dating James I worried he'd kill himself. That's why he looked that way on the train that day. Do you remember?"

Lily nodded, her own eyes now watery as well. "I remember. I thought he was just upset that I'd taken up with the boy he hated the most. Are you sure?"

"Yes. Positive."

"That's a shame" Lily said sadly, barely speaking above a whisper. "He had a hard life."

"Now he's likely having a harder one" Sasha mumbled, wishing she hadn't brought it up in the first place.

"Such a shame" Lily said again. It was the last time that Sasha directly mentioned Severus to anyone for many years, and also the last time that she saw Lily Potter alive.

It was Remus who sent her the owl informing her of James and Lily's deaths. By the time he managed to send it, Sirius had been taken away to Azkaban, accused of being an accessory to their murders, and also of killing Peter Pettigrew and several muggles. Sasha refused to believe that Sirius Black would have ever in a million years betrayed the friends who were more like family to him than any of his own relatives had ever been, but there was nothing she could do, and she didn't want to exacerbate Remus' grief by arguing with him.

Her heart hurt for James and Lily, and for their orphaned son, the baby that she had held when he was new. It also ached for Sirius, who was now locked away in the hell that was Azkaban Prison; accused of something she was certain that he was incapable of doing. The one bright spot in the tragedy was that somehow, when Voldemort had attacked baby Harry, his spell had apparently rebounded against him. He was gone, seemingly destroyed. All of wizarding Britain was celebrating, and little Harry Potter was being called a hero.

Remus also told her that a certain old acquaintance of hers was now teaching at Hogwarts. The story went that Severus Snape had defected before Voldemort's fall and had been helping Albus Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix to plot against his former master. For this reason, he would not be sent to prison with the other death eaters. Sasha didn't tell Remus, but her heart leapt at the news. _He left them_!

She considered sending him an owl. She wondered how he was feeling since Lily's death. Was he as crushed as she would expect him to be? In the end, her fears won out, and she decided to leave him alone. She just couldn't stand the thought of him ignoring her again if she were to reach out.

At least it was over now. Voldemort was gone, and couldn't hurt anyone else. Severus was safe at Hogwarts, working for Professor Dumbledore. Baby Harry was going to be sent to Lily's family. Remus was… well, he was rather lost, actually, and that was sad. Sasha kept in touch. Once in a while he would venture to France to visit her, and that was nice. They didn't talk about Sirius, wasting away in Azkaban. Sasha tried hard not to think about that. If he'd done what they said, then he was where he belonged. If he hadn't… and she suspected strongly that he hadn't… then he was yet another victim of the whole bloody mess. If she thought about that too much, she got too depressed to get on with her days.

The years went by, as they will do, faster and faster as one gets older. Sasha made a name for herself as an Auror. She was good at the job, and she enjoyed it. Deep down she knew she was doing it for the ones she had seen living without justice, unable to protect themselves.

Sasha threw herself wholeheartedly into her work. There were a few relationships, of course, but there was still no wizard who could compare to her school days crush. Sasha was afraid that there never would be. Even after all the years that had passed, sometimes she would still dream that they were in the forest together, or down by the lake. Each time when she awoke alone her heart would break all over again.

When the rumors began to spread that Voldemort had returned, Sasha immediately contacted Remus. He confirmed to her that it was true, in spite of the ministry being in denial. Sasha wondered what would become of Severus. She knew that death eater defectors would not go unpunished by their vengeful former leader, now that he had returned to power. He was thirty-five now, and she wondered if he was still the same. She hadn't set eyes on him in seventeen years.

Remus couldn't tell her much. The Order of the Phoenix had been called together by Dumbledore once more, and they were operating in secrecy. Sirius, who had escaped from Azkaban, was in fact innocent as Sasha had always suspected, and he was once again a part of the resistance. Lily and James' son was growing up. He was learning at Hogwarts, and everyone was, although he didn't actually know it yet, putting their hopes into him. When Sirius died fighting, Remus sent Sasha a brief owl to let her know. She shed some tears, remembering his wickedly handsome smile.

When Albus Dumbledore was killed the following year, it wasn't Remus who gave Sasha the news. French agents stationed in Britain sent back the intelligence that one Severus Snape, former Hogwarts professor, now a fugitive, was believed to be the murderer. Sasha had to run to the loo and be sick when she heard it. Her superiors sent her home for the day, afraid she was ill or overworked. When she later heard he was out of hiding and had been made Headmaster, she cursed herself for ever loving him at all.

After the final battle at Hogwarts however, after Voldemort was destroyed for good by young Harry Potter, the word reached Sasha's office that Severus Snape had been declared innocent. It had been proven that he'd been working on Dumbledore's orders _against_ the Dark Lord all along. He had, they said, nearly been killed by Voldemort's giant snake familiar, and only survived because he was rescued by a colleague. Sasha wished she could go and give that colleague a big hug, and she felt terribly guilty for having believed the worst. It seemed that Severus truly had redeemed himself once and for all. That news made her nearly as happy as the fact that Voldemort was finally truly dead.

Remus Lupin, along with his young Auror wife, was unfortunately among those who had been killed in the fight. He was the last of Sasha's old friends from Hogwarts that she'd had any contact with, and the knowledge that she'd never look into those kind eyes of his again was a hard fact to bear.

A little over a year later, one of the secretaries in the Auror office handed Sasha a copy of the Daily Prophet. "Did you say that you knew him?" She pointed to a picture of a newlywed couple and Sasha's jaw dropped. It was Severus, standing with a smiling young woman next to the lake at Hogwarts. According to the article, she was the one who had rescued him during the battle.

"He married her next to our lake" she said quietly, setting the paper back down on the secretary's desk. The French witch made a curious face, but said nothing, and Sasha excused herself.

It wasn't long after seeing the picture that Sasha finally relented to the pleading of her friend Remy to let him take her out on a date. She wasn't sure what made her do it, really. Remy Girard was a brilliant Auror, and one of the funniest wizards she knew. She had always enjoyed his company, and he'd been trying to take her out for years. Deep down Sasha knew that he would be good for her, if she gave him half a chance. If she were honest, that was what made her deny him. Occasionally going out with random wizards with whom she had nothing in common, or having that mad, long ago whirlwind fling with Sirius, who she knew had no intentions of actually committing to anyone, was one thing. Consenting to go out with a wizard who it actually made sense to have a real, lasting relationship with was something else entirely. It would mean that she would have to forget about _him._ The only one she had ever really loved.

Now, _he_ was married. He was married to a witch ten years younger than himself, eight years younger than Sasha, who had managed to save his life. He had married her next to the lake, a few feet away from where he and Sasha had spent many a steamy night experimenting with each other. Had he forgotten? Was it on purpose? Was it another way of erasing all traces of her from his life? It was stupid to care, she knew. After all these years, why would he still think of her at all? There was no reason for him to bother, certainly. Just because he still haunted her dreams didn't mean that she had any part in his.

Perhaps it really was finally ok for her to move on. Perhaps it was for the best. Regardless, Sasha knew that she would never forget the happiest time of her life, when she had been at school.

* * *

><p><em>Well, that's it... for this part of the story. Those of you who have grown fond of Sasha, I promise that you will very soon have the opportunity to see her again, because she isn't really going away just yet. If you've read my other story "Your Fight is My Fight" then you'll understand the ending and might get an idea of where Sasha will be popping up next. I know that this is not a very happy ending, and it is totally unfair... but as Severus said, "Life isn't fair!" He was right, it's not, sometimes not even in fanfiction. To find out where to look for Sasha in the near future, check my profile page within the next few days because I'll be telling everyone where to find her soon. Thank you so much for reading this story. It was a lot of fun to write (and sometimes very sad to write too!) <em>


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